A Pickle By Any Other Name,Balls For Daisybell And Burglaries

This picks up after my last 11th grade Regents exam. We still have a month of school. Even though it's pretty much just busy work. In order to get federal funding the students have to be in class regardless of whether they've finished the work for that year. It is generally thought to be the most mischievous part of the school year. Having already had my little personal drama I did my best to keep my nose clean. The unfortunate thing with noses is that on occasion they are attracted to what they sniff. So even though I side step more than my fair share of delightfully dastardly plots and schemes, I do get roped into a few. Bear in mind I am still spending my after school time helping the janitor. It's just not the kind of help the principle had in mind. My last class is social studies and Miss Yankura says it's entirely optional for us to attend, unofficially. We still run the risk of getting caught for skipping class. I take this opportunity to do my janitorial penance so I can still make it to gymnastics practice. Take into consideration that I now have transportation of my own up until night fall that is. We're getting a little ahead of ourselves. My mother decided to get a new car. She just had to have a Fiat 124 Sport Coupe. Her rationale is if she can't live in Italy at least she can drive like it. This in turn allowed me to inherit Daisybell(the white 1968 Mustang), under the condition that I pass all my exams with acceptable grades. Fearing some inconceivably high grades would be considered acceptable, I agreed without further clarification. The interesting part of this is that during an ice storm in late March my mother skidded and crashed Daiseybell. It wasn't totaled, but would need a new engine. Jerry Nichols is the mechanic who owns the Citgo station in Scots Corners. He is also our family mechanic. He asked What kind of engine my mother wanted put in it. She said you decide as long as it's safe, because Jody will be driving that car. Now a few events are all coming together in a short period of time. I received my permanent drivers license. I completed all of the major exams I would ever take in high school. The Junior prom was coming up and I didn't have anyone to take. I mention Jerry's last name Nichols because of a story he told me while I was watching him fix Daiseybell. It went like this: I say sitting at his desk and flipping through his mail "Who the hell is Noosepickle? Jerry looks up from what he's doing and says angrily "How do you know about that?" Taken back I drop the letter and say " Wooah I'm sorry Jerry I was just flipping through your mail and saw a letter addressed to a Mr. Jerry Noosepickle." Jerry lets out a long sigh and say " Listen my daughter goes to school with you and she would have a fit if she knew you saw that." I scratch my head and say " Jerry I know my mind is dull from all the exams but I'm lost. What are you talking about? Who is ths Noosepickle guy?" Jerry stops what he's doing and says " O.k. we better sit down for this." Jerry goes to the fridge and get himself a Budweiser and tosses me a Dr. Pepper. Then he says " I'm Noosepickle or rather I was Noosepickle until I had it legally changed a few year when I first moved here and bought the gas station. I did it for my daughter. I'm sure you understand." I say " Noosepickle isn't a bad name. Is that what all of this is about?" Jerry smiles and says " Congratulations I hear you just got your senior license. May I see it?" Excited that I finally get to show it to someone I reach into my back pocket and pull it out of my wallet. Handing him the license He says " Now let's see what it says here. Ahh Julian Turner Shultz " He's laughing and covering his mouth trying to hide it. I say " What? You think my name is funny?" Stopping his laugh like it was unplugged suddenly he says " No Jody I don't. But I bet the kids did at school when you were growing up. Now picture yourself here in school, the new kid and your name is Noosepickle. Get the picture?" Picturing what it would be like with that name I understood completely. "Point taken Jerry. You're a good father. Your daughter is lucky to have you." Jerry smiles takes a long swig of beer and says "You might try telling her that sometime. She's ashamed of me I think. Ever since her mother left it's like ...Never mind. It's just different." I don't say a word I just listen and nod in a caring fashion. Jerry chugs the rest of the beer and says "I was going to save this as a surprise. You have to promise me that what happens here stays here between just you and me." Frowning in disapproval I say " What we going to go bury someone you just wacked, and you need help digging the grave?" Jerry smiles and says " No wise guy. I'm going to build you a muscle car that doesn't look like a muscle car. Understand now?" I sit there with my mouth open like someone in the dentists chair. Then I say "Jerry I don't know what to say?" Jerry leans in and I can smell the beer on his breath and says " How about number one you won't tell anyone and I men anyone. Number 2 and this one is going to be tough Absolutely no street racing You have to promise me that. Number three a thank you would be nice since I' m not charging you a dime." I get up and start jumping yelling "Woooooweee A muscle Mustang. A chick magnet Oh my god. Do you know what this means?" Jerry gets up and reaches his hand out saying " It means if you can lve by these arrangements you got yourself a Frankenstein." I shake his hand and hug him saying " You got it I promise. It's between you me and the car. Why Frankenstein?" Jerry puts his arms out in front and walking stiff legged says in a deep voice "A man made monster." I laugh and ask " So what can I do to help?" Jerry drops his arms and rubs his hands a few times fast . Then he puts his arm around me and starts walking to where he's working on her and says " I thought you'd never ask. It seems that Penelope that's her name is getting picked on in school by a group of older girls. I was wondering if you could just keep an eye out for her, so she knows she's not alone." I start thinking of possible solutions and Jerry asks " Well?" I hold up, my hand and say "I'm thinking of the best way to handle this so it never happens again. Give me a minute would ya?" Jerry laughs and goes to open the hood of the Mustang and I say "I got it. Do you want these girls hurt or just scared? That's an important detail, because it depends on who I call." Jerry steps back making a face and says "Jesus Jody, you're beginning to scare me. I think just scared enough to leave her alone until she can take care of herself." I answer O.k. that rules out Julie Diaz and her gang. I know the girls gymnastics team one of the girls has a crush on me. O.k. Done I'll talk to them tomorrow." Jerry says " Thank you You'll understand one day when you have kids of your own." I laugh and walk out the back of the garage motioning for Jerry to follow. He does and I make a sweeping gesture as if I'm going to introduce someone on stage and say " Jerry what do you see out there?' Loking perplexed he answers " Uh I don't know a field." I clap my hands and say "Bingo give that man a prize. A field and thats what I plan on playing for a looooong time. No kids for me daddyo. Especially now that I got this little piece of heaven to drive." Jerry says "O.k. before we put you out to stud permanently let me show what I did to this baby. She is sweet, even if I do say so myself." Jerry spent the next three hour fine tuning and explaining the necesity of breaking this engine in gently. I still didn't get to drive it home yet. That meant not going over 45mph for 300 miles. Jerry finally finishes his masterpiece a week later. He waves me over and say o.k. let me give you a little lesson so you know just what you're driving. I say "I'm all ears Jerry" Then he starts his lesson like this: "The previously optional 289 c.i. 225hp V-8 was replaced by a 302 c.i. version rated at 230 hp. Increased displacement was achieved by increasing the stroke of the 289 from 2.87 inches to 3.00 inches. The 2 barrel carburetor 289 (rated at 195 hp for 1968) was replaced mid-year by a 2 barrel 302 rated at 210 hp. Thus both 289 and 302 V-8 powered Mustangs were available in 1968. That's what's supoosed to be in here, but here's what I did. Everybody knows The base engine, of the 200 c.i. six, remains unchanged while the 390 c.i. V-8 is rated at 325 hp., an increase of 5hp. Top engine option, is a version of Ford's famous 427 c.i. V-8. Featuring a Holley 600 cfm carburetor and available only with an automatic transmission, it's rated at 390 hp, quite a bit more than the 390 c.i. V-8. This isn't offered anywhere so take good care of her." He tosses me the keys and I say "Thank you so much Jerry. You don't expect me to remember all of that you just told me." Jerry shakes his head and says "It's just an old mechanic showing off his work. Don't pay me no mind. Enjoy it. By the way whatever you did to those girls the problem is solved they even bought her lunch yesterday." I smile and say "Just a gentle word in the right ear at the right time. Piece of cake. I'm glad I could help." The car is amazing even driving it slowly. O.k. let's go back in time a bit to set the scene for this next adventure. I walk into Mrs. Zaccardis' living room and sit down. She sits next to me on the couch. She's staring into to my eyes as if looking for something. Then she speaks "Do you love my daughter?" I know I have to tell the truth to this question I say " Mrs. Zaccardi I don't know if it's love but nobody I ever met has ever made me feel so happy and so mad in such a short time and at the same time. I don't know if that answers your question but it's the truth." She smiles and says " I believe it is Jody. I don't know why my daughter's with you. I just can't figure it out. You see I checked up on you and you're way to good for that little thug I gave birth to. I want you to listen before you say anything. We moved here from Queens because she got kicked out of school for burglary. She broke into the school after hours and stole enough Audio Visual equipment to start her own electronics store. I should have locked her up then. I got a job here, moved here and things looked like they were going much better until last week. That little lying devious good for nothing criminal stole a corvette and tried to sell it to someone. " Obviously the names on the titles didn't match and the police were called. It seems this guy is a lawyer and is pressing all kinds of charges. If she gets tried as an adult she will go to real prison this time , not that little country club for Juveniles she was at last time. Here's what I want from you. Stay away from her she is trouble. All that will end up happening is she'll drag you down with her like she does everyone else. That's it. " I sit there and ask to use the bathroom. I wash my face and try to find if I'm asleep and dreaming this . No dice this is real. Well no choice now if I care at all now is the time to stand my ground. That's it for tonight. Thanks for reading. Jody

Welcome Back Kotter, Me And My Big Mouth and P.H.D's

Today is Thurs. and I'm dying to be in New York. Why is it that time drags when you want to go somewhere? Yet when it's something you dread doing it's like you were suddenly transported to that moment. The mysteries of the spacetime continuum continue to be a conundrum. Well, where did we leave off? I'm going to play a little with the continuum myself today. I leave Mrs Zaccardis' home in shock. I will get back to this later. The rest of the school year was crammed with preparation for the Regents exams. I stuffed so much academic information in my head that I hoped and prayed that one day I wouldn't have to ever go to school again. Ironically here I am today struggling to get back to school. Everyone in my class is talking about the Prom and the S.A.T. exams. It seems like I'm on the outside looking in. I am raised by extremely self educated parents who even to this day I can barely fathom the amount of information they assimilated. These people taught me to think for myself and not settle for less. Will I be like that when Ammba is in High School? Abbey Northrop is a 27 year old woman who spends more time at out house than her own. She belongs to a sect of society my mother loathes. This being the high society of the W.A.S.P.. Being a teenager raised with parents of mixed heritage and open minds it's incomprehensible that people could actually be that way. Picture the scene from Caddyshack at the Country Club. These people really exist and not only do they exist they are frighteningly powerful. It's 1976 and I remember my mother saying that the downfall of this country will be because of: narrow minded, fear based, power hungry, under educated W.A.S.P.s who feel they are entitled to rule the world. I thought she was being melodramatic at the time. Now with our present state of affairs in this country, I feel she was right on target. Abbeys' parents disowned her and we adopted her so to speak. My mother was her mentor and guided her continuing education. She pointed out the differences between Johns' and my minds. She said that John appeared to be much more intelligent because he skidded along the surface with a quick and facile grasp of the obvious. She said I was a deep thinker and appeared slow witted , but was actually more intelligent. This insight has allowed me to weather many a storm of people claiming I was just plain stupid. I struggled with school because I was trying to put all this knowledge into some coherent form of perspective that I could relate to. It appeared to me that the academic game was to just regurgitate the answer they wanted to hear.This ringed a little too much like that of a George Orwells novel. Conformity is good and will be rewarded. Original thought is a luxury you can't afford. Here I am surrounded by some of the finest minds I'll ever know and educated fools are blackmailing me to repeat what they want to hear or they will withhold the right for me to advance to learn any further. I 've always believed that to get ahead in anything you need balls and brains. It seems I have too much of one and not enough of the other. I have a running feud with the 11th grade english teacher. He says all jocks are stupid and he will do whatever he can to keep them out of college. He demands to be called Dr. Dicker. I admit that I have a problem with blindly acquiescing to any authority. This guy defines what it is to be an egomaniac with an inferiority complex. So in my inimitable style after completing one of the most important exams of my academic career I hand it in an say "Have a good summer MISTER Dicker" and leave. He comes running out after me and yells "Shultz you will pay for that insolence". Thinking I am done with him for good I respond "Hey buddy, I'm sorry and all but, it's not my fault you're a diabetic. Why should I have to pay for your insolence medicine?" He answers "I said insolence you moron, not insulin. Just how stupid are you?" Now I know now that this is less than brilliant and that I am feathering my own nest of misery, but I reply "Oh I don't know, maybe stupid enough not to base my entire self esteem around an honorary piece of paper from a Roncos discount corespondents course. Mister Dicker." Well at this he snaps and charges at me yelling "I'll kill you. You fucking little asshole." I see murder in his eyes and realize once again my big mouth has just created another unpleasant situation. Here we go again. He is a lot faster than he looks and is gaining on me. I round the corner accelerating and Blammo! I smash into somebody knocking them down. I go to help them up as Dicker rounds the corner and starts reaching for my throat. I look at the hand I'm holding and realize that it's none other than Mr. Mergardt. Before he can assess the situation Dicker shoves him to the floor and leaps on me pounding his fist into my arms that are covering my face. I see the array of possible scenarios and begin to laugh. This infuriates Dicker as he grabs my throat and tries to strangle me. Mergardt is yelling "Saul what are you doing? You're going to kill him stop." Dicker keeps squeezing but my chin is pinned to my chest crushing his fingers, so I'm in no immediate danger. I'm just about play the cymbols on his head by boxing his ears when Mergardt says "Jody, no!! please let me take care of this." I don't do it and push Dicker off of me as Mergardt holds him by his shoulders saying " O.k. Saul tell me what happened." Dicker is in a rage and says " You're what happened . You and the whole athletic department taking all the funding and squandering it on stupid sports. That money should b allocated to academics not encouraging a bunch under achieving monkeys. Then this fucker disrespects me by calling me Mr. Dicker." Mergardt answers " Well Saul I would hardly call Mister a form of disrespect. He had to of done something else. Just tell me what it is." Dicker says " I want him expelled for attacking me. I don't give a shit who you are Rod. Mr Big Athletic director. I want him destroyed." I pipe in "Don't forget gymnastics coach" Still holding Dicker Mergardt whip a look at me and says " That's not really helping. Go to my office now." I say "I 'm sorry. I'm going." I leave and sit in his office for over an hour when he walks in and slams the door. " I'm not back from my sabatical for even a day and you do this. Well what do you have to say?" I sigh and tell him the truth about how he taunts the athletes and the Mister Dicker thing. I leave out the insulin incident. Mergardt leans forward and says " Look I know this guy is a jerk. But he's tenured and has some clout. He can cause you some real problems. Did you think of that while you were being a wiseass? I don't know that I cn do anything to stop him. Stay here while I go call in a few favors." Mergardt leaves and John comes in pointing at me and mocks silent laughter. Then I see a hand grab him and yank him from behind. I can't see the face but by the gold cuff links and French cuffs it's Mergardt. Rod Mergardt is the Pat Reilly of our school. Not only because he looks like him , but because he dresses like him. Pat Reilly won best dressed man of the year several times. John disappears and I chuckle to myself. We haven't seen Mergardt since he returned and in less than 2 hours he's man handled both of us. Marylyn, Mergardts secretary peeks her head in and smiles saying " You were amazing this year. That's why Rod's back. He wants to beat Yorktown and that Savastano travesty of a man. More of a pimp if you ask me." I laugh and she goes back out to her desk. Wow, thats the first time in 3 years she ever talked to me. Mergardt returns and says with an arm motion that resembles him shooting a hook shot to follow him. We walk over to the administrative building. I think hmm, I always wondered what went on in here. This isn't how I wanted to find out though. We enter the building and go to Mr. Lamonicas office. He is the principle of Fox Lane. Dr. Dicker is in there and he is still steaming. Lamonica says to me "Sit down son we have some decisions to make." I do and he say " O.k. here's the situation as I see it. Jody left after finishing the Regents exam and said to you Dr. Dicker have a nice summer Mr. Dicker. is that right Saul?" He nods. Lamonica continues " Then you went out into the hall and for whatever reason. Believe me I don't care. Began screaming obcenities at Jody. Am I still on track?" Saul nods Lamonica then says " Following this you chase him down the hall and tackle him and try to strangle him in front of his coach. Is that it more or less." Dicker nods. Lamonica throws his pencil in the air and slaps his hand on his paper blotter and stands up yelling "Listen up soldiers! I've fought in Vietnam and regretfully killed people. I've worked as a NYC policeman and unfortunately killed people. Give me one reason why I shouldn't go for the hat trick and kill one of you Bozos? Never in my life have I had to deal with such a large group of misguided misfits fighting over god knows what, for god knows why. Jody here's what's going to happen to you. You are going to help the janitor with what ever he needs help with . If that means cleaning up puke and shit then you'll do it with a smile. Go report to him right now before I lose my temper." I get up to leave and see a smile on Dickers face . Wonderful, just how I want to finish out the year. Lamonica says " Sit down Jody I haven't dismissed you yet. "As for you Mr. I can't be fired I have tenure. As far as I'm concerned if you ever darken my door step for whatever reason I will make you piss up a rope. Do you understand me Saul. As for you Rod welcome back. Feel like running for principle next year? Well go on. What is everyone standing around for? Rod and I have some catching up to do." I leave and as I walk back Dicker says " I 'm looking forward to grading your final. Have a nice summer Jody." I say "Mazal Tov" As I walk in I see John running up to me. I put up my hand and say " I Promise full disclosure , but not right now. Come on I need help with something." John says " I can't I'm staying after to study with Nelson for tomorrows Chem final." I say " Later brainiac" I go down to the basement and knock on the door and some voice say " Come in Jody The office called to let me know you were on your way. Sit down." I say " Thanks I got in trouble that's why I'm here." He stands up and has ham hocks for arms and king kong sized chest. He reaches over the desk and says "I'm Billy, Billy Banks nice to meet you. You know my brothers don't you?" I say " I know Buddy mostly , but I've met John and heard about Bobby I'm sorry. We 've never met have we?" Billy laughs and says " I don't think so unless you've been visiting sing sing recently." Billy says I 'm here because my probation officer knows Lamonica and likes me. So look you can split if you want or stay either's fine with me." I say " I think I'll stay I want to ask you about something that happened a couple of years ago." Well that's it for tonight. Thanks for reading . Jody

Cheerleaders That Go Boom,Oh no I'm Popular and What Bad News?

The year provided many changes. One change I did not see coming was a sudden surge in popularity. People I hardly knew or who before wouldn't give me the time of day suddenly started stopping me in the hall and congratulating me on doing so well on the last meet I was in. In truth it all felt insincere and annoyed the hell out me. The thing that frosts me is that if I wasn't a gymnast leading the team and winning meets these people would be as mean to me as before. A story that I love to tell and serves as a metaphor for Johns' and mine position on being popular. Our high school commons area was fairly large and everyone found a piece of wall to sit against if they wanted. We were known as the wit brothers and were kicked around a bit our first few years here. A girl I had known since kinderarden named Lisa Steinhauser fell into the popular clique and looked down her nose at us and made it obvious she thought we were pond scum. So one day she walks by and sneers at John and I and says " Why are you guys here? Nobody wants you and no one likes you so why don't you save yourself a lifetime of humiliation and just go away so we don't have to see your pathetic faces. " At this she and her friends are laughing and taunting us. John sits still and doesn't react, which surprises the hell out of me. They walk across from us and make rude finger gestures as this group of J.V. cheerleaders sit down to wait and flirt with the jocks. I know John and I know he is cooking up a devious plot that will more than likely land us in administrative trouble. He turns to me and whispers the plan. I wholeheartedly approve and go about implementing operation "Two Minute Warning". This is to be a mime act of terrorism against this cruel sect of nasty cheerleaders. John and I make a big fuss of pretending to construct a bomb with dynamite, nitroglycerin, spools of electric cable to trigger the detonation with one of those plunger things you alway see in movies. I would go outside and pretend to carry in heavy boxes of unstable explosives while John (The master bomb assembler) would carefully tape and put together a complicated bomb out of imaginary parts.This act took about 15minutes and was almost completely ignored by our target. We both very carefully lifted this immense masterpiece which was very heavy and struggled carrying it over to where they were sitting. It went like this: John says " Jody be careful one false move and this whole place could go up. Remember I installed a mercury back up switch..." I reply " O.k., o.k. sorry I'm doing my best. Cool your jets already. John says " Hey just pay attention to what your doing this stuff is extremely volatile. Stay focussed and we can all enjoy a nice shower of J.V. cheerleader body part from the comfort of our own personal bomb shelter." I answer "Got it, we're almost there get ready to place the payload on its target." John says " O.k. begin lowering now that's it careful, good stop right there, lower your end. Now run back and bring the detonator caps and a spool of electrical wire." I say enthusiastically "Holy shit, I can't believe we're actually going to go through with this." John say " Believe it. This time tomorrow these pesky little critters will be a thing of the past." I continue with the skit as we wire everything and carefully roll it out to our side of the commons. By now everyone is wondering just what the hell is going on. So being urged on by our audience we make the final preparations. John and I walk out to the middle of the commons clapping our hands and announce loudly "Excuse me fellow students, may I please have your attention. It's our great honor to announce that there will be several new opening on the J.V. cheerleading squad due to a terminal personality conflict...." At this point Lisa gets up and walks up to us and says " Hey losers cut out your stupidity before we get the football team to kick your ass." She laughs along with her cronies and sits back down. We continue " Sorry for the interruption the show will be starting shortly. As it is customary to give victims of a crime some last words we now offer that opportunity. Lisa? Anyone want to comment on how you feel about your up coming execution?' They all give us the finger at the same time. We continue " It's a shame to lose team work like that we just witnessed. So without further ado is there anything anyone would like to say?" The entire commons of about 50 people start chanting : "Blow them up boom boom. Blow them up and make some room." John looks at Lisa and says " It would appear your knights in shining football gear are nowhere to be seen and unless I'm mistaken your popularity is taking a sharp and sudden drop." Lisa screams " Somebody stop these freaks they're bothering us." John says " O.k. people lets hear it !! Let's make some noise." The crowd at the instigation of our good and very funny friend Steven McClintock start yelling " Sure we'll miss them when there gone, as fertilizer for our lawn" John says " Back up everybody and get to a safe distance before I blow these suckers into oblivion. Can I get a count down 10 Jody would you be so kind as to do the honors ." I say " Why thank you that would be nice." "9...8...7" John asks " Goggles so we don't get anything in our eyes?" I say " John you do think of everything don't you?" John answers " I try to my good man I try to" The crowd counts while I push the plunger down with dramatic flare."6,5,4,3,2,1 booooom!!!" Every one covers there eyes and rolls on the floor as the the bell for first the class rings. This little act made us fairly well known and respected by those that we cared about. We'd be in class and when people would disagree sometimes someone would say "don't make me call the wit brothers to blow you up." What it did do is prevent any other group of snobby kids from harassing us. The football team thought it was hysterical and told us so. No matter how many times we were asked or how much we were offered that was our final act of terrorism. The purpose of this little tale is to give some perspective on the type of social setting we were now dealing with. I go to Ceramics and see Lori sitting at her wheel. We both decided to cool it off a bit until after the gymnastics season. This didn't prevent our friendship from growing . I walk in and " Yo Lump, how was your weekend." She would smile and reply "Not bad loser it was a stone groove of righteousness and psychedelics for all to behold." Regardless of how hard we tried to keep our relationship platonic it just didn't want to stay there. She would go to all the meets and we would spend time together whenever we could. The intimacy and trust between us continued to grow. The end of the season came around and we tragically lost to Yorktown by less than a tenth of a point. Ted always said "if you don't beat the reigning champs by a significant amount you don't deserve to win." We were all disappointed but were resolved in the fact that it was definitely possible next year. Ted had said it might take more than 1 year. Our entire team was returning and Fox Lane gymnastics was put on the map. We even made the New York Times Sunday Section with photos of John and me doing handstands on opposite ends of the parallel bars. The next day Lori wasn't at ceramics class. I found out she didn't make it to school that day. In fact I didn't see or hear from her all week. I called but no one answered no matter how late I called. After 2 weeks I went looking for her and knocked on her door to find her mother in a cops uniform . She says " Jody I think you better come in and sit down I have some bad news to tell you." My heart started pounding at the thought of what it might be. That's it for tonight. Thanks for reading . Jody

First Day of School,Memorable Experiences and Equalizing The Pressure Of My Cosmic Triangle In Order To Purify My Colors

So, I did it. I am officially in a writing course as of today. I have one week to do my assignment. I'm to pick a memorable experience and write about it. As of now nothings knocking on my muses door. I find it fascinating that for 65 straight days I've had no problem picking a topic and now when I need to I'm in an A.D.D. trance spacing as if I was just shot up with thorazine. I would like to give a shout out to one of my characters who found their name after reading my blog. I haven't talked to this person in over 30 years. Unless I get his permission I will leave his name private. I guess when you shout out to the past occasionally it shouts back. If your reading this I will answer your E-mail this week. Thanks for contacting me your life sounds very exciting and fulfilling. I've decided. I'm going to continue on with the series until something feels right. Loredana Zaccardi didn't return for at least 10 minutes and when she did she looked happy. She walks by me slowly dragging her fingers tips and nails gently and slowly across my shoulders. She stops on the top of my right shoulder and leaves one finger there. I turn to look and she flicks me hard on the nose saying softly so just I can hear " Sucker, will you ever learn?" All of a sudden I'm not feeling like myself and shake my head for a quick return trip back from fantasyville. I work on what I've learned so far. Miss Fleming comes next to me and says "Very good your technique is improving . Now for the next step who wants to demonstate? Loredana how about you?" Loredana walks to the center and the teach gives her a few minute to prepare the clay for the lesson. Miss Fleming talks as Loredana is performing the task. She says " The next step is to center the clay so that its outer edges spin perfectly smooth with no bumps or wobbles. This is the hard part. Different people use different techniques. The softer the clay the easier to center, for practice. The method Loredana is using here uses the arms in conjunction with the legs. Press forearms onto thighs. Hands and clay slick with water and good spin. Place the thumbs together across the center of the spinning clay with hands cupped around the sides, and index fingers pressed together in front, or furthest away from the body. Pull wrists back slightly pressing down and hold them rigid. Dig fingers into the clay beginning toward the bottom. This is like a lathe. Do not allow fingers to move, and feel perfect smooth spin of the clay. Excellent Loredana, slowly raise fingers keeping thumbs and palms pressing on the top, in a hinged trap door like fashion, feeling perfect steadiness, and slowly raise off the top with no sudden moves. Clay should be spinning perfectly centered. Repeat until satisfactory. When you learn this you'll be able to do it in one pass like Loredana here. For practice the softer the clay the easier.Thank you Loredana you can return to your seat." I watch as she spins pot after pot as if it was easy. It actually is easy for her. I finally get to the step Miss Fleming says and I ask "So now what?" Miss Fleming says " Loredana would you be so kind as to guide Jody through the next steps?" She says " Sure I'll do it." She walks ehind me agan and leans her body into me as she explains what to do and guides my hands with hers. She says "O.k. Jody to make your hole in the center, brace the forearms on the legs. Place the first hand against the top spinning clay cylinder, so that the indent of the thumb is directly on the center. Press the forefinger of the second hand against the indent of the thumb tightly, with the thumb of the second hand braced against the top of the back of the first hand. Do you feel that?" I answer " Uh huh" She continues explaining "Slowly push and guide the forefinger straight down into the center of the spinning cylinder to about an inch from the bottom and then slowly remove." I do this, with her help of course. I'm liking what I see on the wheel and say "Cool come on. Now what?" She removes her hands and walks to sit next to me saying " Good now To enlarge hole place the elbow of the first hand into the stomach or hip. That's it Jody awesome, keep it going. Put the palm of this same first hand against the side or wall of the spinning cylinder. This will hold the wall of cylinder in place while the index or two fingers are placed in the center hole with the thumb braced on the back of the first hand. This part's a bit tricky let me help." She walks back around and puts her arms around me guiding my hands. "The fingers are then pulled outward into the heel of the first hand, like this, until the hole is enlarged to the size of the desired pot, or large enough to get four fingers in. Do you feel that?" I say " Holy shit I'm actually making a pot. I mean with your help , but I 'm doing it too" Loredana continues " Easy stud we're not done just yet. So this newly created wall should generally be about an inch to two inches thick. With the wall created, the cylinder should spin perfectly symmetrical. Just like that. In all these steps always remove hands and fingers and take the pressure off slowly. No sudden moves." She ever so gently removes hers and my hands leaving my first pot spinning like a new born child. She goes back to her seat and Miss Fleming coms over and says " Class look at Jody's pot. That's what we're striving for. This one is good enough for he kiln congratulations Jody" I look over at Loredana, but she's busy creating another masterpiece. Miss Fleming says " O.k. that's it for today let's clean up for the next class." Loredana leans over to me and says " Look will you clean up for me? If I'm gong to your meet I have to have someone drop off my things for me." I say Sure you got it. Thanks I really enjoyed that it was fun." She makes a face at me and says " Duh, you think I do boring things like gymnastics?" I start to get upset and she punches me hard in the arm saying "Gotcha Loser, I'm outta here. Later much." She goes to tell Miss Fleming and then is gone in a flash. After class I wash up and put my suit on. The rest of the day goes smoothly. I meet up with John and a few other guys in the commons to walk over to the gym and set up. John says on the way over. " Remember when these assholes humiliated us and gave Mergardt a hard time?" I did remember how rude their coach was. John says "I got a little pay back planned for these losers." I say " I got enough to worry about without starting unnecessary bullshit Semenetz. You can count me out." John shrugs and says "Whatever, coaches pet." I feel John is up to mind games again, so I walk away. We set up the equipment and warm up for the meet. Both teams in uniform march in and line up. Ted announces " I would like to welcome Lakeland high school. Our judges for this evening will be Mr. Tom Van Gorder and Mr. Paul Ackron. Will everyone please rise for the playing of the national anthem. " It isn't until this moment that I actually get scared. I'm running through my routines in my mind. Even to this day whenever I hear the national anthem my stomach goes into knots and I feel nauseas. It's like some Pavlovean response that's deeply ingrained and won't be deprogrammed. It reminds me of the scene from "A Clockwork Orange " where the guy is in agony listening to Mozart, because of the conditioning he was put through. Everyone goes to there side of the bleachers. I quickly pull crash mats for the first guy on high bar. The meet flies by as we easily dipense with the first of this years adversaries. We set a new school record in the very first meet. Ted is pleased and tells us so. We put the equipment back to where it belongs and go visit our friends and family in the stands. I bound up the bleachers to Loredana and grab her hand saying "Come with me there is someone I want to introduce you to." Pulling her she gets up and looks very nice in her black dress and pumps. I'm in shock and say " Wow, Loredana you sure clean up well. " I bring her over to meet Unc and my mother who come to every meet . It doesn't matter in the least how I do. They are there for love and support. It's exactly what I feel when I see them in the stands. Still holding her hand I introduce her saying " Mama, Unc this is a friend of mine I would like you to meet. Her name is Loredana. " Both exchange hellos. Loredana sees my mothers' book and says "You like Joseph Campbell? I read 'A Hero with A Thousand Faces' and have been a fan ever since. " My mothers' face lights up and I can tell she is impressed. She replies " So you and Jody found each other through Joseph Campbell. That's rather poetic I think." Loredana quickly says " Jody? No I didn't even know if he could read or not from talking to him. No offense" Mama says " None taken my dear. Yes it can be rather aggravating to be on the receiving end of his dumb jock routine. I honestly think he gets it from his father, playing dumb I mean." They both laugh and hit it off right away. I leave them to each other while I go hug Unc and we discuss the highlights of the meet. I can hear them talking up a storm, so I sit with Unc and tell him a little bit about Loredana. As usual he listens and offers no opinion. Unc did say " You turn around and I slap your head. The couple directly behind me were talking about why you're so strong on the rings. According to them it's because you're half black. You know how athletic us peoples can be." I snort covering my face as Unc slaps my arm to be quiet. Then we both start laughing. My mother turns to us and says "Now what mischief are you two up to?" I answer " Nothing you would understand mother it's man talk really." My mother mock smiles and says to Unc " Is this your position on this as well?" Unc answers "Oh Miss Ruth why do you always make such a fuss and put me right in the middle?" She answers "Because the fuss wouldn't be nearly as interesting without you at the center of course." I ask "Can we invite Loredana to come out to dinner with us?" My mother says " As long as it's alright with her parents, sure it would give me someone to talk to." Loredana says "I would love to and my mother works until midinght so I don't think it's a problem at all. One thing though." Mama asks " What's that dear?" she says "I've been testing Jody here on whether or not he would make the fatal mistake of shortening my name without asking permission. I'm glad to report he's been nothing but a gentlemen. I would like all of you, if you want to call me Lori." She smiles and mama says " Why thank you Lori, I feel privileged." Unc and Mama walk out, with Lori and I following . Before we get to the door John jumps out in front of us and says "Yo Shultz you know you beat me by .15 of a point in the all around?" He looks at Lori and says "Who's the hooker?" Lori starts to say and do something, but I interrupt by grabbing John and pulling him out of ear shot. I say " What the F__ is wrong with you ? You've been a dick all day. Cut it out ir we're going at it right here right now. You feeling me now?" John smiles and says " Yeah I guess that was a bit harsh. Hold on I got it covered. Is Shultzypoo getting all soft over some chick? I'd have though you learned your lesson." I push him and he goes over to Lori and says "Look whatever your name is. I 'm sure you're nice and all but the last girl Jody was with left him about as useful as a bowl of oatmeal. Like Jack Nicholson at the end of one flew over the cuckoos nest. Get what I'm saying?" Pulling away she says " Jody you might want to have his medication checked. He's definitely a few fries short of a happy meal." She turns to John and waves saying "2nd place, sounds like a loser to me. Later, misguided friend of Jody." I see John gearing up for a comeback and put my hand up to him and say " Save it you'll get your chance." Walking away he turns and says "That bitch just used up about all the latitude I have left. See ya star."I think to myself threes definitely don't work. We climb in the 1968 white Mustang and I drive us to an Italian restaurant near to the school called Johns' Best. We share pizza and salad. For dessert they have Spumoni which is one of my favorites. Unc has a Cannoli. Mama has Chocolate Mousse, while Lori has the Italian Cheesecake. We all take a taste of the others dessert and get ready to go home. Lori hits me under the table and I think I have an idea of what it's about. I say " Mama may I borrow money so I can treat Lori ?" Mama says " Don't be silly child. It's our treat." Gesturing to Unc He says "I'm starting to get that thin feeling in my rear end again" Lori says " Thank you so much I had a wonderful time. I hope to see you all again." Lori gets up and starts to leave . I chase her. Catching up to her at the door I say " Where are you going?" she says " Look I'm embarrassed about where live. Just let me walk home from here." I answer " If you really want to walk go ahead, but I have a lot of friends living in Bedford Hills Projects, if that's what you're worried about. We go there every weekend to drop of people from the bowling alley." Lori grabs my cheeks and pulls me down to her and kisses me hard. I just stand there in shock. She lightly slaps me and says in a Mae West voice "You ain't seen nothing yet Mister." She quickly walks back to the table and starts talking with my mother about Joseph Campbell, comparative mythologies and religions. I leave them to talk and go outside with Unc so he can smoke his cigar in peace. We don't say a word and just enjoy the coolness of the night and the full moon that's crystal clear. Lori and Mama finally emerge from the restaurant and I drive her to the projects to drop her off. I park and get out to walk her to the door. She comes running around and pins me to the car and says " Look I think we've gone far enough tonight. Let me go so I can process all this. I don't let many people in and now I feel like it's new years eve in time square inside me." Before I can answer she goes up on her toes and kisses me lightly on the lips and runs up the winding steps into the maze that is the projects. I get back in the car and exhale saying "Just what the hell did I get myself into?" Both Unc and Mama don't say a word on the way home. When I get home I tell my Dad how the meet went and say goodnight to everyone, including you. Good night. Thanks, Jody

Jump,Hump and Lump

Part 13 brings us to 11th grade where I am just turning 16. Training is going well. I have full routines on all 6 events. The highlight is that I'm the first to take a double back off rings out of the belt. A spotting belt is a system of ropes and pulleys that allow the gymnast to perform dangerous skills and not crash. Due to the varied sizes and weights of each gymnast, it becomes necessary to find a practical way to prevent injury during the learning process. A pulley is a simple machine made with a rope, belt or chain wrapped around a wheel. The pulley is usually used to lift a heavy object (gymnast). A pulley changes the direction of the force, making it easier to lift things (gymnast). Multiple pulleys allow lighter gymnasts the ability to spot heavier ones. The moment of truth is still scary. Especially when you out weigh your spotters by 20libs. I land my first double back on my feet and from here on I am leaving the realm of recreational gymnastics. Take into consideration tis is 1976 and the safety factors were not commensurate with the level of skills being performed. In simpler words you either sank or swam. I won't get into the specifics of each difficult trick we learned. At the same time as this, the fist gymnastics school of its kind opened in walking distance of our school. We would train for 3 hours go home eat and do homework . Then we would go to Gymastics Spectrum and continue to work with other coaches on technical execution and the physics of the sport. Steve Scandale quickly became our training partner and role model. Steve had been privately coached by someone to an amazing level. He could tumble higher and better than anyone around. On Pommel Horse he was years ahead of us. The other events we were fairly well matched. Gymnasts from all over came to train at night. Sometimes we wouldn't leave the gym until 11pm even on school nights. By the time our first competition came we were a different bunch of athletes. Before we get to that let's take a look at the other areas of my life that are developing rather quickly. By now it's obvious I need a math tutor so I find one. His name is Mr. Franciscini and he's in his seventies. My schedule is that 3 nights a week I go visit him before going to Gymnatics Spectrum. I knock on the door and as it opens I see a man bending down as if he dropped something. Instead of standing up he reaches his hand from the floor to shake hands. He say "You're Jody the talented gymnast who is lost in the forest of trigonometry. I reply " That's as good a description as any I suppose." He turn to go still bent over and wave for me to follow. It quickly becomes a scene out of Mel Brooks' "Young Frankenstein" It appears that our new math tutor Mr. Francicini is a real live hunchback. Having had some experiences with people with physical deformities I know this is both a test and a critical time in our relationship. I say "I guess this makes you about the same height as Mr. Dupuis." Mr. Francisinis' laugh is both hearty and contagious. He says " Very good Jody you pass the first test" I always wait and see if the elephant in the room will ever be addressed. So now to your elephant, how might I be so bold as to inquire did you get our Napoleanic friends gander up?" I chuckle already finding myself beginning to like him. I say "Let's just say I find minor league sarcasm a bit tedious in nature, so I unwisely gave him a dose of the real thing." Mr Francicini howls "Hooooo weee that must have been a sight to that little angry French elf turn a delightful shade of mauve." He leans in closer and whispers "Between you and me I think he's a very unhappy frustrated man. Besides what does he have to be frustrated about? It's not like he's a hunchback or anything." At this we both laugh and I now decide I definitely like this man. He then says " Jody how do you take your coffee?" I shake my head and say " No thank you I don't drink coffee." He then says " I didn't ask whether you drank it or not, just how you took it. If you're going to learn anything here you have to pay attention and answer the question asked. Not what you think was meant by it. The two are very different things as you will soon find out." I play along and say " How so?" Mr. Fancescini says "O.k. try this:The Riddle of the Missing Dollar: Three men decided to split the cost of a hotel room. The hotel manager gave them a price of $30.The men split the bill evenly, each paying $10, and went to their room. However, the hotel manager realized that it was a Wednesday night, which meant the hotel had a special: rooms were only $25. He had overcharged them $5! He called the bellboy, gave him five one-dollar bills and told him to return it to the men.When the bellboy explained the situation to the men, they were so pleased at the honesty of the establishment that they promptly tipped the bellboy $2 of the $5 he had returned and each kept $1 for himself.So each of the three men ended up paying $9 (their original $10, minus $1 back) totalling $27, plus $2 for the bellboy makes $29.Where did the extra dollar go? " He then places a white porcelain cup in front of me with milk and sugar on the side. I begin thinking about the riddle as he prepares me my first cup of coffee. Finally i shrug and say " O.k. I give up where did it go?" He answers " It's not gong to be that easy young man. Put a little thinking into it before you quit. There that should be good give it a taste." I try it and am very pleased with it. I say " Wow , I never liked coffee before , but this is different.Thank you." He says "You're welcome Jody. Ready to tackle some trigonometry?" I do math problems for the next 2 hours and actually start to get a handle on the very basic elements. I leave and go to practice to find Ted there. The owner David Veit say " Why didn't you say this guy was your coach?" We all look at each other and say " Because you didn't ask?" He and Ted laugh saying "Ask a stupid question..." I then see Ted jump up on rings and perform a routine that is of Olympic caliber. John, Steve and I say " How come you never told us you could do that ?" Dave smiles and walks away. Ted just looks at us and says in an imitation of our voices " Ahh because you never asked. We laugh and say " Ask a stupid question..." Ted walks over and says " Well don't just stand around like you need me to tell you what to do. You found this place, get to what you usually do. We go over to the tumbling line and Dave takes turns spotting us on what ever we ask him to. Then we go to trampoline and practice flipping and twisting in the belt spotting one another. After that we have a standing back flip contest where we all stand in a circle and do standing back flips to a stuck landing. If we move our feet on landing you're out and go to press handstands and stretching. It's usually between Steve Scandale and Dave the owner. Steve wins on occasion. Then we do a press to handstand contest that I usually win except for tonight when Ted kicks my ass thoroughly. Stretching is the most painful for me. It seems everyone else is just enjoying it. How is that possible? The weeks go by and things are on a role. Our training is getting more and more precise. It's no longer a matter of if we hit our routines it's just how well we do. My birthday arrives and all I want is to go to the motor vehicle bureau to take my learners permit. I do and pass. I can't believe that I can legally drive after all this time . Albeit with a parent in the car, but nevertheless, wow I can drive. Our first meet is tomorrow and we take a light day to just keep in touch. I carry my suit to school, because my first class is ceramics and I don't want it get it dirty. My mind is already preparing for the bantering rounds of insults Loredana and I fling at one another. I walk in and she mockingly smiles at me saying "Good morning Loser." Ignoring her, I nonchalantly stroll by to sit at my station next to her. She repeats it and I say "This is your last chance before the gloves come off, so you decide." She grins and says motioning to come to her with her hands. " Bring it on 2nd string, never gonna amount to nothing faggoty ass gymnast. Let's see what you got." I whip a look on her and say "You want it her it is. I'm thinking of a word . I'll give you its definition and let's see if you can keep up with the conversation. Because up to now I've been nice and taken the high road. I'll understand if you want to apologize and return out relationship to a more civil nature." She snorts while laughing and says "Oh you poor, pathetic misguided wisp of a boy, whatever you have to say will carry the same weight as your insignificant underdeveloped cerebellum." Taunting her I reply " You know on second thought..." She inteupts and says "And where was was the first thought? Spare me the theatrics loser, before I lose my temper and really hurt your feelings." I clear my throat and say "Our first word is defined as: having no definite form, being without definite character or nature : unclassifiable. I've been carefully observing the irrefutable fact that your fat body is an amorphous segment of society. More of an lump of annoyingly unattractive, quasi human tissue. And I mean that in the nicest possible way Lump. Which by the way is your new official name as far as I'm concerned." She picks up a hand full of wet clay and throws it as hard as she can at me and then runs out of the classroom crying. I think to my self good she deserved it after all the shit she's put me through. She doesn't come back though and I begin to worry. Did I go too far? I excuse myself for the bathroom, but really I'm gong looking for Loredana. I know she smokes. So I run over to the smoking area to find her. I see her by herself facing the red brick wall. Her shoulders are heaving up and down. I go over and ask "Hey can I bum one off of you?" She turns to see me and presses her lips together as she's sucking them in. We look at each other for what feels like an eternity. I break the silence saying " Listen Loredana, first I'm sorry how it came out . I know it was vicious and nasty. I just snapped when you said those things about failing. I have my first meet of the year today and I'm scared shit of failing and being the loser you keep calling me." She keeps staring at me , but says nothing. I feel like going to her and giving her a hug, but I'm scared I'll be rejected and make things worse. She finally relaxes her mouth and says "Malicious and spiteful"
I say " What?" She adds " You, you're malicious and spiteful, not vicious and nasty." Seeing an opening I say "Are you questioning my usage?" She nods and smiles. I say " Well I guess I can live with that. You know I think you're hot and sexy, not fat and lumpy." She walks by me dropping her cigarette on the ground and says "Dream on loser. You want to make it up to me? Invite me to one of your meets. You might not look so hideous in your uniform." I say "Done, 6pm tonight the middle school gym." as we get back to class she say " Go ahead so the teacher doesn't catch on to what we did. Besides, this lump that you think is so cute want to clean her face before she goes in so everybody doesn't know I've been blubbering... Get it blubbering." She rubs her belly as she says this. I say "I hope to see you tonight." As I enter Miss Fleming say "You could have at least wiped off some of the clay Jody." The entire class laughs and I walk quickly to my seat. That's all for tonight, thanks. I'm taking a writing course this week so I may or may not be able to keep up with the posts every day. I'll do the best as I can. Jody

The Machine Begins,We Never Feel As Big As Those Who Walked Before And I Don't Have Time For This Now

This is part 12 in the Fox Lane series. It's still the first week in August when get a letter from Ted. The letter says: "Dear Gymnasts, The season is rapidly approaching so I'm giving you a little pre-season assignment. I want you to run 3 miles a day, do 300 sit ups, 25 presses to handstand and hold for 3 seconds plus 1000 push ups a day." The running I'm not crazy about , but it's not impossible. What does catch my attention and quite frankly worries me is the idea of doing 1000 push ups a day. The phone rings and I pick it up saying "Articulate". John responds by singing the commercial song that got him a beating. "Another and another and another enough to make a healthy...." I respond by tapping the phone receiver with my finger saying "That's my monsterous nob knocking in protest to your adolescent singing." John says "Cute! Did you get the letter?" I answer "Yes and is that a typo about doing 1000 push ups a day?" John says "I sure as hell ain't going to call and ask." I answer " Contain your petunias Sparticus, I'll do it and call you right back." John responds "Pucker up rutabega brain I'm going to rub the phone on my sphincter for your listening pleasure." I say "Won't that be redundant given the fact your head is already occupying said orifice?" John replies " Don't be jealous just because your cavernous crusty canal has become an echo chamber." I answer "Be right back with an answer from out future kaiser" and hang up . I call Ted and his wife answers " Hello?" I say " Hi Mrs. Nadeau it's Jody from the gymnastics team. May I please speak to Ted?" She answers sure Jody. Listen next weekend I'm making lasagna for the whole team so bring your appetite. Hold on just a minute." I hear in the back ground " Oh Teddy honey schnookums one of your gymnast is on the phone." Ted comes to the phone saying " If you ever repeat what you just heard I will be forced to end your life with extreme prejudice. Now what can I do for you?" I say "Well I got your letter and am wondering if maybe you made a typo about doing 1000 push up a day." Ted answers " Do I seem like the type of person who makes mistakes of that nature? If that's it I'll see you Sept 8th. Don't forget our deal!" He hangs up and I exhale preparing myself for the Herculean task ahead. Calling John back he answers "Let me guess Tinkerbell, we have to do them." I reply "Yup, I'm going to start mine right now." John says "I'll call when I got 500. Later biscuit breath." I reply : "Later retard." We hang up and begin pushing. After the first few sets of 25 I drop quickly to sets of 15 and then 10 finally ending with sets of 5 push ups at a time. It takes a total of 1 1/2 hours. John calls, I answer and "Well that sucked the big one." He replies " I'm going to be crippled tomorrow. Let's meet at Leonard park early so we can have all day to finish them." I answer " Amen to that. I 'll see you at the pool. I have a few new dives to show you. Later." I hang up and go back to my notebook to see how many more in the hopes that somehow I miscounted. It took me another 2 hours to finish the rest. I skipped the other stuff. I get up at 8am eat a bowl of cereal and tell Unc where I'm going. It's a 10 mile bicycle ride to the pool in Mt. Kisco. I 'm going to count this as the 3 mile run. I get to the pool and find John we catch up. Johns say "So McShultz I see you're back from yodeling in the Alps. Ready to get to work?" I answer " Yoda-lay-ee-who! Let's get this party started." I jump down and bang out 35 push ups. John follows with 40. I do an additional 30 to his 35. We continue this until we both are down to 1-2 push ups per set. We both have 500. After this we go diving. I show john my new 1 1/2 forward somersault dive. of the 1 meter. He tries and belly flops. I go to the 3 meter and perform the same dive. John follows suit to an additional flop and pink belly. We rest and walk over to Friendly's to get a snack. On our way there John jogs ahead and performs a Round off, back handspring, back flip. Being very impressed and eager to learn I say " Wow! That's awesome! How did you learn that?" He says " Trial and error first I learned a back handspring and put it together with the round off. I combined those two to a jump in the air. Then one day I just went for it and lived to tell about it. So that's when it began our quest for greatness. Everyday was an all out see who could out perform the other. I learned how to tumble on grass. John learned to flip and twist off the diving boards. Together we just about killed ourselves doing 1000 push ups everyday for over a month. After each day when I would begin m 10 mile return bike ride we would make bets. One bet that comes to mind is the day I said "John I bet I can do a full split by tomorrow." He said " There is no way that's happening. I'll bet you anything you want that by tomorrow you can't do a full split. I rode home and ate dinner with Unc and watched the Mets game on T.V.. After the game there was a western where a doctor had to take a bullet out of a cowboys' shoulder without anesthesia. The thought then occurred to me that if I was anesthetized I would be able to get down to a split. So I go through our rather extensive liquor cabinet and start drinking a bottle of red wine and stretching. I kneel down and place pillows under them and put one leg in front while holding on to the pool table. Little by little my body slowly releases and lets me down an agonizing inch at a time. I rest and drink more wine until finally I am both drunk and down in a full split. Almost immediately following this accomplishment I run to the bathroom and puke my guts out. The following morning Unc found the bottle and looked at me . I said " Unc before you get mad I want to show you something." I got down into a full split and smiled at him saying " Well? What do you think?" He just shakes his head and walks away. I rode the 10 miles to the pool and found John. I said "Hey check this out." I jump down to a split and stayed there smiling. John says " O.k. great what about the other side?" I try and am as far away as when I started the other leg. I say " O.k. but I did it so give me a little credit." John shrugs and says let go to the tower today." Having been thee once already this summer I agree and follow him up the concrete steps to the 10 meter platform. I go first doing a 1 1/2 forward pike with 1 1/2 twist to a perfect backdrop. All the air goes out of my lungs. I thought I had landed on the cement. I couldn't breath normal for almost 10 minutes . The life guard came to check me out and says just my ego was bruised. John climbed back down the ladder and retired from diving for that day. We did our push up and press to handstands until it was twilight. I went back to the pool and climbed the 10 meter platform again and did the dive I had crashed on earlier. Everyone clapped and John was steaming mad. I ride home and know in my heart that I have the courage to do what is necessary to get good. I didn't necessarily have the talent, but the strength and the balls to make up for it. The summer ends and school starts. I'll never forget everyones face when I walk into the gym . They all just stare and say " What the hell happened to you? You look like the Hulk." Ted came over and said "Nice job over the summer. Let's see if we can put that muscle to good use this year." John did the same amount of work, but his body reacted differently. He looks strong but not near the transformation that I'm going through. I jump up on the rings and feel light as a feather . I press to a handstand using the straps for balance. Then I lower to see if I can do a cross with my new found strength. Everyone is in shock when I get down. I say " What?" Ted says " That cross is as god as anyones in the world Jody." So the year begins and our team consists of John, Jimmy Watson and myself. The new guys are Dean Defeo , Jack Gescheidt, Brad Kerr and some guys I don't know yet. There is one really dark skinned boy named Steve Scandale that is training with us because the program in his school is cut. Ted sits everybody down and say " For those of you who don't know me my name is Ted Nadeau. You can call me Ted, Coach, Mr. Nadeau or Coach Nadeau. Is that clear?" We all reply " Yes coach Nadeau" He say "Good. What I'm about to tell you may be shocking or seemingly impossible. I assure you it's not. You can see the obvious changes in Jody and John. These changes will happen to you as well if you doexactly as I say.Anyone who doesn't think or want to be sectional team champions this year please leave now. Jod and John are both sick. I want you to catch their disease. Is that clear?" Team replies "Yes Coach Nadeau." Ted goes on to say " Who received my letter this summer?" Everyone raises their hands. He continues " Can anyone tell me what that letter said " Dean says " You said do a few push ups, sit ups and run." Ted responds " Does anyone disagree with that?' No one says a word . Ted pont to me and says " Jody please stand up and tell your teammates what you thought the letter said." I say It said "Press 25 handstands and hold for 3 seconds each. Run 3 miles a day. Do 300 sit ups . " I pause for dramatic effect. Ted asks " Anything else?" I say " Yes 1000 push up s a day every day." Everyone else laughs Ted laughs with the team at me. He walks over puts his arm around me and says "My wife made a typo. This guy did what it said. He would have done 10,000 if I had asked. It's not normal. It's not sane. It is the behavior of someone who wants something so bad he will do whatever it takes to get it. We do not leave the gym until we do the same strength work Jody does. Whatever whenever however we will be the best team this county has ever seen." I sit down Ted walks over to Steve Scandale and says " Become 1/2 as good as this guy and we will win." He goes over to John and say " Learn 1/2 as fast as this guy and we will win. I will post the days work out on the wall every day." That was the first of many speeches that untited us against a common enemy. That enemy is Yorktown High School . Their leader is Vinny Savastano. They haven't lost in 15 years and have no idea what's coming there way. This is how our school year began. In my academic classes it got tough, real quick. This is the year for every test that determines whether or not you go to college. The only break I get is in ceramics. There is a girl who sits next to me that makes beautiful things on a daily basis. She is a tough looking girl and speaks to no one. One day I go to speak to her. I say " How do you get the clay to react that way?" She stares at me for a long time but says nothing. I figure she doesn' t want to talk. I can relate to that. Before the end of class she walks over and stands behind me. She wraps her arms around me and grabs my hands on the clay. She says quietly in my ear " Kick the wheel at an even tempo like a 4 count and kick. An important technique especially for beginners is to use or adjust the wheel so that one can work the spinning clay, with the hands in conjunction with the knees and thighs so that strength is applied to the hands by squeezing the legs together. Why don't you start with that hot shot gymnast. God you guys make me sick." I am in shock. The way she smells and how she touches me made me feel dizzy and my heart starts pounding out of my chest. Then she says gymnasts make her sick. She comes back and says "Well?" I say " Well what?" she answers " Ready to learn I'm only going to say this once so pay attention. Add the clay to the center of the wheel head. Throw it on there, or use moisture on the head, flatten the ball on one side, score and secure to the head with a plunk and some back and forth motion. Spin the wheel fairly fast. With a bowl of water wet hands and clay, which is in the form of a ball. The object here is to cup it in the hands, squeeze it using legs for extra strength, and raise, the object being to make a cone or vertical wall tower. Keep spinning and keep wet and slippery." I am watching her and like magic everything she says is happening in front of me. She then says"While the first hand is cupped around the top of tower, to hold it up and center, the second hand is placed on the top with elbow straight above. In conjunction the clay is pushed back down into a perfect cylinder with a flat top. The object of this step is to further wedge the clay and align the clay throughout in a more or less swirl pattern." I think to myself she knows a lot more than the teacher. She continues saying "I know it's a lot to take in. Why don't you go back to your wheel and try it I'll look over now and then and comment. Why did you have to be a stupid gymnast? God I hate that sport." She goes on to spin the most incredible pot I ever saw. She says "So what do you think? Do you like it?" I say "It's amazing you could be teaching this class you're so good." She frowns and says " Yeah, oh happy day, and have a whole room of idiots who don't care about pottery like you." I get offended and say " You know just cause you're good a something doesn't give you the right to think you're better than everyone else. God you're an arrogant asshole!" She smiles and says "Was that an original thought that emerged from that obviously simple mind? No seriously I'm impressed that a loser like you can see why someone like me hates them." I start to say F___ You! but am cut off when she interrupts by raising her finger and touching it to my lips. She says " Shhhh! I'm just playing with you, relax. Actually I'm jealous as hell of you guys. I always wanted to be a gymnast, but look at me." Taking her finger away she laughs and motions for me to wipe my mouth. I have some clay from her finger. The bell rings and she says "My name is Loredana. Do you need me to spell that for you.? " Before I can respond she's gone. I am spinning with different thought , emotions and physical sensations. I say out loud " Whooooa" Now I know why they do that. That's it for tonight. Thanks and goodnight. Jody