Learning how to learn

Today is Monday and all that that entails. The wind is blowing, the trees are rustling and the cat is purring. There's an exercise for post traumatic stress victims. This exercise is simply stating aloud the obvious things that are around you. Like I am sitting in this swivel chair. I have blue denim shorts on. My body is aching from not exercising for over a week etc...This is a kind of reality inventory to let your mind know that the environment you're in is safe and non-threatening. I do this periodically when my mind is playing the "what if" game. What if this happens? What if that happens? It can go on and on indefinitely. I bring this up because I have been suffering from free floating anxiety. I just finished a cycle of medicine that kills these little monsters that have illegally been squatting in my digestive system. I do feel better, but what if it's only because the medicine made me feel so awful. There I go again, "What if?". I'm using todays' blog as that exercise. The more attractive cousin to the "What if?" game is a much healthier and productive one that I've stumbled across in desperation. It's called "I wonder if?" One might say it's just semantics and it's the same game with a different name. I believe the distinction lies in the connotation of the words. As a child I remember learning to immediately lie or deny any inquiry that began with the word what. Some examples that come to mind are: What are you doing? What is that in your hand? What have you done? What's wrong with you? etc... Even to this day I have to catch myself when asked a question with the word what. My defense system immediately goes on alert. The difference today is I have the option of replying with such pithy and privacy protecting retorts as: I don't see how it's any of your business. I am not at liberty to say at this time. It's of a personal nature. etc...The advantage here is I treat myself with the same dignity as I treat others and I'm being honest. Previously I would answer with whatever I thought that person wanted to hear. One of my best friends finally pinned me down on this behavior. I was obviously miserable and she would ask "How are you?" I would always reply "Who me? I'm fine" She then said "Jody, that's such bullshit! You're life is in a shambles and you now choose to shut out the only people who really care about you? Someone needs to tell you you're not fine. In fact, as they said in "Pulp Fiction"...'You're very fucking far from being O.K.!' Keep this up and you'll flush yourself back down the same shit hole you climbed out of." I answered with "Don't be shy , tell me what you really think. I just don't want to bother people with my problems." Replying she says "It's your self-deluding ass logic! That's what's troubling me dude." Getting fed up I snap ' Why don't you mind you own business?" Smiling she says " Well at least now you're being honest. If you don't want to talk to me, then talk to somebody please. Your vicious cycle of self-pity and misery is starting to bore me." She turned and left. I did a little soul searching.I came up with the thought that in doing this I am not being true to myself. The saying "To thine own self be true." is a profound little group of words. "I wonder if" opens the door to possibilities , without the necessity to defend oneself. It often includes the hint of hope. The word wonder is defined as:a. One that arouses awe, astonishment, surprise, or admiration; a marvel:b. The emotion aroused by something awe-inspiring, astounding, or marvelous:4. often Wonder A monumental human creation regarded with awe, especially one of seven monuments of the ancient world that appeared on various lists of late antiquity. So instead of using the word, what try wonder on for size. It fit me a lot better. Now let's move on with the intended purpose of todays piece. Learning how to learn is a concept that has acted as door stop to prevent my mind from slamming shut. I remind myself daily, I know only a little and more will be revealed. A story that comes to mind is a skit we would perform at gymnastics camp. As counselors we were required to write and perform a series of skits for the campers. The skit that comes to mind is called "How Not To Spot". Whenever this skit was being performed all the veteran counselors would run and hide. The skit was based on a combination of Bugs Bunny and Monty Python. An instructor would go on stage and in begin a deliberate, long winded explanation, in a pompous voice about how to spot e.g. "The kick to handstand and hold." "The press to handstand" etc.. The instructor would then ask for a volunteer. A counselor would come on stage and play a very uncoordinated stuborn student, who was virtually unteachable. The instructor would place the student in the position required for the move and assist them. The student was to make it as hard as possible for the instructor to spot. The finale comes with the press to handstand finish where the students legs are straddled and they won't bring them together. The instructor strains, then raises a finger as if striking genius. He then karate chops the student in the crotch. Thus collapsing the poor unwary student. The crowd roars with laughter. The instructor then says "Next we will..." The poor wounded instructor(student) limps off the stage. The skit ends and everyone takes a bow. The purpose of telling this delightful allegorical tale is to point out some important themes in learning and teaching. One that immediately comes to mind is: "The end does not justify the means, the end is the means." It's like saying"I'm really very sorry Mr. Mcgillicutty the operation was a success , but the patient died." Another is: "What does it profit a man to win the world and lose his soul." Here we have the successful person who because of how he went about getting what he wanted, can't appreciate what he has. One thing that has acted as a guiding light through my life is the concept of, not judging what a person does , but rather why they do it. My mother would tell me the story of seeing 2 men crawl out of a hole. She would ask me "Whose life was harder?" I would answer "I have no idea." She then would explain that in order to know how difficult the persons' journey was, you would need to first know how deep the hole was that he climbed out of. I apply these ideas when I train people in the gym. I am not so concerned as to the fact that the person isn't reaching their goals, but why they aren't. Then I place myself as close as I can into their body and situation. By doing this I can better reconcile the 2 perspectives and why they aren't connecting. I always tell someone if you want to learn something from someone. It's better to talk to those who had difficulty learning it. For it's these students who hold the key to overcoming your obstacles. If you really want to learn something do your absolute utmost to leave your ego out of it. Learning it or not learning it can not define who and what you are. Ambition or drive such as this actually can hinder the learning process. Using myself as an example, i want to learn how to type. Yet I still make no effort improve it. As the evidence would suggest I feel I'm somehow above the laws of typing. I wonder if it would help if I sat down and did the necessary work.Would I learn it? Could I learn it? We'll see when enough is enough. So, here I am hunting and pecking and becoming frustrated that I can't type. Thoughts like, I don't need to learn how to type it will just come to me as time goes by. Well it has been 30 years and I still type no better. I was sort of hoping for some miraculous tech gadget to make it all go away. It appears that's not happening just yet. After reading this, I am going to give it another try.
On a slightly brighter note something I've been doing at the suggestion of a friend has been making my life better. It's a gratitude list. List as many things as you can in a few minutes that your grateful for. It may sound a little touchy feely, but it has really been a mood balancer. There are a tremendous amount of negative thoughts that aren't paying any rent to stay in my head. This list evicts some of the vagrants who are trying to squat there. It also provides me with a modicum of serenity. Submitted for your approval Jody