Yugoslavia, Slippery Steps And Hairy Armpits!!

I mentioned that there were many trips to Europe. This story is another bright point that shines through the dark shimmering curtain of the past. For arguments sake let's just plop us in Dubrovnik, Yugoslavia in the 1970's. Does anyone remember the t.v. show called "Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?" This was a show that made a mystery about traveling in time and talking to famous people from that period with the perspective of today. I highly recommend both the show and the games that spun off from it. Though there is no country of Yugoslavia today, there was one then. The city of Dubrovnik is magically frozen in time. It has the feel of a Medieval fishing village. The history of Dubrovnik is a fascinating study of the rise of a great maritime power that lived in peace and prosperity for nearly five centuries. Dubrovnik was originally called Ragusa. Its' only rival was Venice, who for a short time ruled over Dubrovnik.We were at a resort Hotel on the Adriatic. Todays story brings us to one day when my father and I are swimming. The sea starts to get rough and the waves are building ever so slowly higher and higher. The current is deceptively strong. There is a set of algae covered stairs that appear like a viable exit. I can assure you they are anything but. They aren't because of the strong surge that throws you against them. It is a slippery man made trap that needs to be avoided. I had been tricked myself before trying to climb out only to be thrown down, bruised and slip back into the sea. I learned you have to swim out and away from the wall to be released from the surge. Then swim the long way around to the ladder built into the wall. My dad is not a strong swimmer. That is not to say that he can't swim. He doesn't have experience swimming in difficult situations. The Adriatic is alluring. It appears as if to be a great big friendly swimmimg pool to be enjoyed and not taken seriously. These almost became famous last words. My dad decides that instead of the pool he wants to go swimming in the sea today. I suggested to my him that we be very cautious because the surge can pull you out and around to places better left alone.These words obviously fall upon deaf ears. The words that older doesn't mean smarter, only smarter means smarter ring in my mind. As we are swimming together the sea starts getting choppy. My dad senses the change in the current and wants to return to the ladder where we entered. I say " Dad, it's getting choppy. For us to make it to the ladder we need to swim straight out and get away from this surge next to the wall. Stay with me I can help you if you get tired. "He sees the steps and starts for them. I say "Dad, you can't go that way I have already tried. It's a big mistake. Come on hold on to me." My words have no effect. I touch him and he pushes me away saying in a stressed voice " Jody, leave me alone I know what I'm doing." He for whatever reason decides that this is his only exit, thus eliminating all other options from his mind. He is locked on target heading for the steps, like the Titanic to the ice berg. I see him getting tired just struggling to the stone covered mirage of safety. With all his effort he reaches the algae encrusted steps. The waves are slamming him into the stone alcove and then he slips back into the water to begin again. The image of Sysiphis and the rock flash in my mind.I have the scraped and scabbed knees from this hard earned lesson. I yell " Dad, you can't get up those steps I've tried.Please follow me ." I start to hear the fear in my own voice. I swim to him and try to gently guide him away, but to no avail. He slaps my hand away as he begins to panic. I see what's about to take place and to yell for help. The sea smothers my plea for assistance. I know from my life saving classes that a person in the water and in a panic is very dangerous. There are a few ways to provide rescue.The first way is to get something that floats to the tired swimmer. The other is to reach with a long pole. Having neither of these items I quickly review what I was taught and lay in wait for the right moment to get him. I also know that a panicked swimmer in fear of drowning is infused with enough adrenalin to power a small city. The time for talking is done I know what I must do. I swim out a ways and tread water waiting for the inevitable. I hear the blood curdling grunts of panic as I pray for the strength and guidance to do the right thing. My dad is coughing and clammering in an all out panic. He slips and bangs his head and is sucked down and doesn't come back to the surface. O.k. shit please god let me find him. I swim all out to where he went down and dive under sweeping the water with my arms to feel for him. The water is burning my eyes and I can't see very well. I come up for air look around and orient my self. I take another deep breath and jack my ass up to dive again. I now swim in a circular search pattern until my lungs burn with the urgent message to get air . I ignore it and feel something like grass. I grab it with my hand and clench it good and tight . I kick with all my strength to the surface keeping my chin buried in my chest so not to panic myself. I keep kicking and finally my left hand breaks the surface. Spreading my fingers I push the water down to get my head above enough to breath. Taking a quick breath I feel the super human surge of strength from the adrenilin. Still kicking in a tight quick rhythm I pull the right hand and dare to look. I see it is my dads hair I have in my hand . I switch hands and swing my right arm under his armpit and across his chest and tilt to my left side to swim side stroke with a reverse scissor kick. I slowly swim out and around into view of the hotel. I begin to yell and kick. I yell " Help, yo help yo help yo!" This establishes a rhythm as I tack and head to the stone wall that holds the ladder. I hear voices yelling back in a language I don't know. I finally get to the ladder and a sea of hands grab my dad and yank him from the clutches of the Adriatic. Everything burns as I cling to the bottom rung of this rusted iron ladder of life. After a few minutes it starts to rain and I have enough strength to haul my terrified shaking self up. On my hands and knees I see a crowd of people in a circle looking down to what I imagine is my dad. I get up and trot as fast as my burning shaking legs will carry me. I see my dad sitting on the cobblestone floor with a brandy snifter in his hands. I stay back to see if he is o.k.. He is the center of attenton to the entire hotel staff. My dad is waving his hand like it was no big deal. He gets up with assistance and I see a doctor examining him. Knowing this will take a while I push my way through the crowd and say " I'm going upstairs to get mama, I'll be right back." He laughs saying "I was fine Jody I had it under control.I don't know what the big deal is." I nod and shuffle away to sit by myself and thank my higher power. He answere my prayer and make a vow to do the work he puts in front of me as best I can. It doesn't matter as long as he is o.k.. Finally I think to myself and say aloud " Shit Jody you saved you dads life for real today. Not bad," I go upstairs wanting to brag to my mama, but realize this will only mske her worry. I say " Mama, dad swallowed some water and the doctor's checking him out to see if he is o.k." Sensing this isn't exactly the entire truth she says " Let's both go down and find out if our ocean guzzling hero is o.k." I laugh and hug her . She feels me shaking and holds me saying " That's it you're o.k." she chants this for a minute or so until my insides settle down. I break the embrace saying " Mom stop" Pretending to be mad she says ' Don't you mom me young man it's either mother Ruth or mama . You got that buster" She ruffles my hair and I say " Mom stop" I run and she chases me to the elevator. My mother talks to the doctor and he says keep an eye on him and don't let him sleep for at least 12 hours. My father still has the brandy snifter in his hand as we head up out of the rain. We change and get ready for dinner. As we walk the cobblestone streets seceral people point t me and say something in Croation . One man approaches and says to my father " You know that he is the hero of Dubrovnik today? He is a brave young man who saved your life. " My dad smiles and nods and my mother looks at me and gets very quiet. We have a wonderful dinner and there is a beautiful waitress who is flirting with me. We exchange glances and smiles. She comes to clear our table and gets really close to me . I take a look to see her breasts and see her arms have more hair than any man I ever saw. She smiles and takes the dishes . I look at my mother and she is already on it " That's the custom in Europe Jody. Women don't shave if they don't want to . It's perfectly accepted and young man the next time you oggle someones breasts like a nursing baby please exercise a modicum of gentlemanly discretion." I go to speak and she raises her hand for me to be quiet. This time saying " They don't shave their legs either. Please for the love of god be subtle." I nod and spend the next hour over dessert and coffee dropping my napkin and fetching it while doing surveillance from under the table. I'll be damned she's right. I'm not sure if I'm repulsed or attracted. Dropping the napkin again the cute waitress comes rushing and we meet as she picks it up. I decide then definitely attracted. We exchange knowing glances and she walks out of my life forever. Dad I know you're reading this and yes I did save your life that day. You however have since saved mine more than once . Thank you . Even though she no longer walks amoung us I would like to say Happy Birthday to my Mother. Well that's it for tonight. Thanks for reading . Jody

The Emperors' New Suit

Yesterday I mentioned wanting to comment on how my parents related to me and didn't actually do it. Then someone mentioned that, that might not be a such bad thing, as it gives life and insight to how my mind works or doesn't as the case may be. It also was mentioned to me about the time-line. How could I be 13 and be bouncing naked on my parents bed? This got me to thinking that there were many trips to Europe.Though all these events took place, I may have shuffled their order around in the rabbit hole of my mind. To me they're like the stars are in the sky. Some points of light are brighter than others. Their distance and time of travel to us as the observer appear simultaneous. We see them all at the same time. Even though there travel time to us may be millenia apart. It's like this with the doors to my past. As I open them their relative distance to me is as equal as today is to then. Now this is not to say that I have no sense of the space-time continueum . It offers an insight as to why those moments year later appear equidistant to my current reality. What I can say for sure is that these events did take place between the ages of 10-14 , that being 1970-1974 or in grade school time 5th-8th grade. As for the nudity, it's entirely possible I was jumping around just to make my father nuts. I was raised with different perspectives on nudity. My mother raised me to be at ease with my body and not be ashamed of it. We talked while on the toilet and thought nothing of being naked around one another. It's how she was raised . My father was raised very differently. He had a more conservative approach to the nude form, due to his upbringing. This was also at a time in history when streaking was all the rage. Come to think of it one doesn't hear much about streaking these days. Perhaps it's time for it to make a comeback. Sensing myself veering off course instead of correcting it , I will follow it's current and let's see where it goes. I can't imagine Janet Jacksons' nipple making that much of an impression in Europe in the 1970's. Perhaps nudity is just another fashion trend waiting to be marketed. Oh wait it is. While I can count on one hand how many times I saw my father nude, I can remember my mother and I parading around feeling safe and not self conscious. Maybe it's like Adam and Eve . It's only bad to be nude when you're told it's bad. If someone tells you it's bad , where is their frame of reference coming from? I hear people tell me that their worst nightmare is when they are dreaming they are naked in public and people are laughing. What if they weren't laughing? Would it still be a phobic nightmare? I remember having nightmares about forgetting how to do something that I was about to be tested on. I have modeled and been nude for that situation. To me it depend on the intent and the audience you're in front of. A quick little story: A friend of mine(named Paul) got a job modeling underwear. He asked me if I would be interested in doing it too. I said "Sure Paul" So the next day I went for the photo shoot and it took hours for make up and lighting . They took test shots. They even put fake sweat on us. It's actually a product in the modeling industry. It's closer to glicerine than anything else. So we get ready and Paul asks " Jody, do you want a fluffer?" I say " What's a fluffer?" Let me tell you a little about Paul. He is very uptight and very conservative. He comes from upstate New York. If you know upstate you'll know it's a tad self conscious about these things. So, Paul frowns at me saying " You know a fluffer for the shoot. Jody, act like a professional please you've modeled before." I reply " Yes , but at no point in my modeling career has the word fluffer arise." Paul makes a weird face and says " Very funny, save your adolescent humor for after when we go out." In order to give you a general time frame for this story, try 1982-1985. So a little more background, it's January in Manhattan in a very cold Soho loft. We had towels and blankets to help keep us warm. Paul strutted away from me pretending to be disgusted so others could see just how professional he was. Now as you might imagine, this was a catalyst for things to come. I go over to the pastry table in my underwear talking to everyone else in hopes of finding out just what a fluffer is. Everyone else is bundled up by the way. It went something like this. To the wardrobe guy " So does it usually take this long just to take a few photos of guys in their underwear?" Very offended and glib he responds " These are hardly underwear. They are works of art. They are Calvin Klein." With a hair flp and a grunt he turns saying " My god , where do they get the "talent" these days?" For those reading "Talent is the word used for the object being photographed. It could be a sheep or even a grapefruit. It would till be referred to as "The Talent. So the mystery of what a fluffer continues as they yell " Everybody in their places" I have a place marked where to stand and I go there. I hear " Good 'A" looks ready get the fluffer over to be now." I think cool I'm "B" so now I'll get to see what a fluffer is. I'm thinking someone putting more powder or fake sweat or whatever. A cleaning girl comes with one of those rainbow colored telescoping duster that can reacjh in hard to get places. The next thing i know she is tickling me with it. To be more specific in the only area I actually have coverd. I junp saying " Yo missy that's nice and all but just what the hel are you doing.?" She smiles and flirts and say " Why I'm your fluffer. Why do want somebody else?" I raise my han and say " Hold on " I point to the guy who I had been dealing with since I got there. saying " Yo Cornelius a word please?" Looking confused he gestures with his hands and shrugs mouthing " What?" I say " Don't worry it's not to ask you for your phone number. " I walk over and say " O.k. what's the deal?" He says " You know that Calvin prefers his ads to be .. .Let's say controversial , but legal. you follow?" I say " Not yet Cornelius , break it down just a tadmore fo my lowly "Talent " mind if you would be so kind." Hearing the barb in my voice he says " It's a priviledge to be one of Calvins boys. Many a career have been launched from ads such as these." Seeing the light still isn't on he lowers his voice and says " You need to be engorged , but not hard. Now do you see why the fluffer?" Finally getting it my sense of humor gets the better of me. I start laughing and can't stop. I get control and yell 'Oh Paully boy, are you out of your mind? These girls are here to tickle my dust?" Irritated and impatient he says " Dust? What are you talking about? They are here to provide the proper ambiance for this shoot. Don't embarrass me." Realizing I did say yes to this job and have no one to blame but myself. I say in a French accent " O.k. I'll go sans fluffer." Looking at the girl I say " No offense,I know this equipment a little better than you do." We do the shoot and Paul won't talk to me for months. The ad never gets published. I get paid and told that Calvin chose to go with someone younger. If you remember there was an ad in the 80's that was very contravertial as to the young nature of the boys and their poses. Someone said it was a message that America could do without. It went to court and lost. To which Calvin replied " The ad speaks for itself, any lascivious overtones are a reflection of the mind preceiving them. I apologize for nothing. I will take my business elsewhere if it offends this great nation ." The truth they were just photos of teenage boys in underwear nothing more. It's the viewer who chooses to pervert the meaning of the image. Wow, I could never have predicted that story coming out today. I want to thank one of my readers who suggested to me to let loose with my writing rather than try to rail it in. Thanks, you know who you are. Goodnight Jody

Hernias,Chambermaids and The Louvre

This part picks up from our taxi ride in Paris with Jean-Paul. Before we continue I would like to comment on the way in which my parents related to me as I was growing up. This is neither an endorsement nor condemnation of their approach. It is looking at it as a parent myself, that I gain greater insight into who they were then. And as a result of that, who I am today. Take into consideration that my upbringing was also tempered by uncs' influence. The juxtaposition of these different styles of child rearing produced the result you see today. I want to make it clear that I blame no one for my mistakes. They are mine to own and cherish as the building blocks of my character. Without which I wouldn't have the blessings my life enjoys today. Today my partner was remarking on my complete lack of short term memory in contrast to my elephant like capacity for remembering the past. I offered this possible insight and explanation. A handicapped persons senses grow more finely tuned in order to compensate for the deficit. The adage that nature abhors vacuum probably bests describes my theory. I have rather severe ADD and it is something of a challenge to do what comes so easily for others. I propose that perhaps my acute long term memory has grown out of a lack of short term memory. I've mentioned that as I write this more and more doors are opening to my past. At times it's like traveling down a long twisting hallway with doors that open to other hallways and then more doors, seemingly endless. Even though I do find my way back, it leaves me with an odd pulling sensation to dwell on the inevitable regrets that we as humans carry with us on our journey. O.k. enough with the home spun philosophy, let's get back to Paris. Ah, yes we will always have Paris won't we? It was imparted to me that we can never go home. But I propose that with an understanding that it will be as different now, as we are from then, we may visit it like a person you don't remember. We all have had the experience of meeting strangers who feel the urge to blurt out "I knew you when you were just this big." As you can imagine my reply went something akin to "Well, how nice for you. May this meeting be as forgettable as our last." My mother never slapped me. She would however almost telepathically impart that discretion is the better part of valor. An anonymous quote I recently stumbled upon:
: "The better part of valour is discretion, in the which better part I have saved my life." As said by Falstaff in Henry IV Part One. From memory, I think Falstaff is hinting that he has hidden or even played dead when on a battlefield in order to avoid any personal danger. These days, the phrase means more generically that caution is a smarter policy to adopt than hot-headedness. This being a comment on Shakepeares' possible meaning. Her meaning was a bit less subtle. It's essence was that "Young man sarcasm is the lowest form of wit and I expect better of you." I would then yield to her compassionate judgement and reconsider the consequences of being what she termed a "smartalick" better known today as a "wise-ass" Wow, that was a tangent. Jean-Paul sped around looking for the perfect people watching spot. He found one at a outdoor cafe he frequents on his days off. The scene went something like "If I had one suggestion to give a tourist I actually cared about, it would be to stop running around looking for Paris. You will never find her . She is an elusive lover who only comes to you if you are at the right place at the right time. We laugh at tourists running themselves silly and neither finding the real Paris nor enjoying the search. " We circled the city as he told us this. Then like batman in a hurry to find a restroom he swerves across several lanes of traffic to pull in front of this series of outdoor cafes. I am positive that he didn't look before he swerved. Coming to a jolting stop he turns off the engine and turns around as our bodies recoil in unison to there original positions to say "There my friends, you've seen Paris. Now go sit down have a nice long European style meal. Take a long digestive stroll around the galleria and enjoy the art. Find another cafe across the way and wait fir her to arrive. I promise if you do this she will." He winks, my dad pays him and says "Merci Papa, you will have your hands full with that one there." he says pointing at me. They both laugh exchanging something in French. It appears to be a man to man thing so my mother and I are left out. There is a seemingly homeless man playing an accordian with a beret on the ground in front of him. I lean in to my mother and say "I would say he definitely has Van Goghs ear for music." shocked she turns to me and says" Young man If you don't stop this incessant rudeness I'm leaving you in the hotel by yourself." Still not entirely pleased with my work I continue " Mama can I help it if I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar?" Seeing a smirk I say " I know it's in there mama let it out it's served its' time, let it free." At this she laughs, grabs my head and ruffles my hair. To this I respond "Yo, woman off the doo..." I can't finish because I start cracking up. I think it's because we are all sleep deprived and giddy. My father who is in a good mood, approaches with a smile and says "Let's eat I'm famished" we all concur and begin checking menus only my father can read. He translates what he can. We stop at this outdoor cafe and order 2 cafe au lait and Hot chocolate with extra whip cream for me. It arrives and we are all in heaven . My mother says" That's the problem Julius." to which we both turn and say "What?" She smiles and says " There's way too much blood in my caffeine system" My father laughs and I say " So-so mama so-so" as I teeter-totter my down turned hand back and forth. We have incredible food. I had Calves liver wrapped in bacon with a bunch of other dishes. My mother had Coq co vin and my dad cous-cous with different meats and vegetables. They had wine, while I drank orangina. I saw a side of my father I never did before. He was suave, less business like and a pleasure to be around. I had no idea he knew so much about art, architecture and history. I would quiz him from the Michelin guide and not only did he know it, he went way beyond the scope of it to give it form and substance . We walked around, looking at the artists and their work. My father would study them and explain their style and the history of that style. It was actually interesting. Then there were as Jean-Paul would say a veritable ocean of feminine treasures to be explored. We saw and experienced the rhythm and movement of the city's soul. This is definitely not on any tour or guide. We were still to full for dessert so we decided to walk back to the hotel when all of a sudden we all looked at each other and screamed "The Luggage." Normally my father would be livid, this time he just said "Well, easy come , easy go" This took my mother and I by surprise. she said "I guess you really are on vacation Julius." I said " You know I bet Jean-Paul will bring them to us. Does he know where we are staying?" I can see my dad thinking, finally he says " I honestly don't remember. Well,we wanted an adventure. This is it, or at least its' beginning." Surprisingly we all were in a good mood and meandered to our hotel to find our luggage waiting for us in front. My dad pops up " What do you know home seeking luggage." We go to the desk and check in. Which means leaving our passports and a bunch of other exciting paperwork. It seems our taxi driver Jean-Paul left a note and his card for us . We go up to our room and crash. I wake up to the smell of rich delicious chocolate and bread. My mother has taken upon herself to call the greatest service know to man kind. That is room service without a doubt. We go out on the balcony and quietly enjoy the mornings treats. My dad is deeply ensconced in the Herald Tribune reading something by a man named Art Buchwald. It must have been funny, because my dad was in stitches. The newspaper to him is like a sacred religious practice culminating in the finish of the days crossword puzzle. To try to get him moving before this process has taken place wuld be to say the least sacrilegious. Returning to Mr. Buchwald it seems he is no stranger to Paris. This is where he became famous with his articles on political satire. He is best known for being an American humorist. He also met his wife in this very city. If you want to know more about him click the link:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Art_Buchwald
Having finished all of our morning rituals my dad proposed a few possible plans for the day. We all agreed to get the toughest out of the way first, this being The Louvre Museum. To know more about this enormous repository of the worlds mos valuable art. Click link:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Louvre
The first obstacle is the long wait to get in. You are immediately faced with a crowd of epic multitudes struggling to get a look at the Mona Lisa behind glass. The best I ever saw was a tiny like postage stamp view from afar reflecting the peoples faces. Having had some experience in museums we each headed our separate ways to explore and rendezvous back here in 3 hours. I remember being more impressed with the enormity of the place than the art itself. We returned and decided to eat and continue the tour. Following this we went to Notre-Dam a Gothic style Cathedral with something that to this day makes me chuckle. This is the ever popular and highly respected "Flying Buttress" I put a photo of a video game that better explains what one is. It's the name that gets me. The other thing that fascinates me is the lost art of stained glass windows. I find it amazing that there is still somethings science hasn't taken the magic out of. I will leave a link if you are interested as well: http://www.thestorefinder.com/glass/library/history.html
So after this we return to our hotel and I am asked to take a walk and given Francs to find something to do for a couple of hours. All I can say is what Bugs Bunny likes to say "They don't know me very well, do they?" It was like a liscense to find trouble. ironically no matter how hard I looked there was none to be found. This plan thwarted I did find a knife merchant who sold switch blades. There is nothing cooler to a teenage boy than be able to buy something illegal in a foreign country. So I checked out the various ones and found I had enough money for 2. Returning to the hotel armed and dangerous I went up to the room and knocked so as not to find something that might permanently damage my fragile psyche. They were done with whatever it is they do. I go to the bathroom and come out naked . I start bouncing on the bed singing some tune I had heard in the street. My father yells for me to stop that and of course it only encourages me to bounce more. He finally gets angry and starts chasing me around the bed as I bounce back and forth just out of his reach. Now becoming infuriated he lunges for me and I easily bounce over him to the other bed and freedom. This continues until he reaches a nice shade of purple. He realizes he can't catch me so he turns around to the mirror pretending to lose interest and starts getting dressed. I miscalculate my jump and fly off the bed and slam into my father as he has one foot in a pant leg. He goes smashing into the corner of the dresser and lets go with a grunt that spells both serious injury and a rage I have seen before in others. I know enough to run and escape from the room as my dad limps behind me gurgling death threats. My mother tries to calm him down . I know better than to count on that miracle happening.I haul ass out of there as fast as I can. I run to the end and around the hall. I hear him following as I see a half closet just big enough to fit into. I open it and squeeze my naked ass in there and shut it tight until I can figure a way out of this jam. My dad is walking back and forth barking demands for me to surrender and take my beating like a man. I think to myself "No thank you I've already had a few more than a boy my age deserves." So I stay hidden and fall asleep. i sleep for I don't know how long when the closet suddenly opens startling into a state of fight or flight. I do a little of both I scream Aggghhhhh !@#$%^&*!! and leap over the person and begin to run when I hear a frightened voice of a girl yelling back and crying in French in the highest pitched voice I ever heard. Feeling a little bad for scaring this poor chambermaid, I raised my hands and approach her trying to apologize. She says something and then starts to giggle as she points at me. Suddenly realizing I am as naked as a Jaybird I cover up and gesture to her to please pass me something to wrap around me . She does and is between laughing and crying as I cover myself. I put my hands together in a prayer motion and begin bowing saying "Perdon, Perdon." She smiles and gives a shy little wave. She goes back to work still talking to herself and I go back to the room and gently knock. My mother answers and has me come in. I ask "Is dad still going to kill me?" she says "No, but the doctor thinks he has a hernia" My mouth drops and I realize I did really hurt him. She adds " It might be a good idea for you to say in tonight. I ordered you room srvice and will tuck you in when we get back. I start to say something and she cuts me off with " Not now Jody, just try to be good and stay out of trouble. I'll take care of your father." She leaves and the reality of my actions start descending on me. Well that's it for tonight. Once again would like to give a shout out to my dad who is reading this "I am sorry and I love you" Thanks and goodnight. Jody

I Rope, Europe, We All Rope!

Our story today begins when my mother picks us up at the train station. We all hug, get our bags in the car and begin to catch upon what has been happening since we've been gone. My mother begin with "So how was it it? Tell me all. I can't wait to hear about your adventures." Unc as usual mainitains a strict poker face and pretends it doesn't involve him. Leaving it to me to tell the tale. Now before I do, I want to bring you back to the conversation unc and I had on the train ride home. We sat together and I had the window seat. I initiate the subject by saying " Unc, what are we going to tell mama?" Stone faced he stares straight ahead as if he can't hear or see me. I repeat this time reaching over and shaking his left arm on each syllable " Unnnc! What are we going to tell mama?" I continue shaking until unc looks down at me for a warning signal to stop. I stop and begin lightly patting his shoulder saying " Well?" The seat frees up in front of us as a man in a gray pinstripped suit picks up his brief case in a huff and moves to another seat away from us. Seeing this unc makes a break for it and moves across from me . I go to follow and unc snaps a squint at me . Reading this as a formal request to have some space I settle back into staring out the window. Seeing the buildings and trees rush by, I drift into a sort of trance with the "choo choo choo" rhythm of the car on the tracks. The next thing I know I'm being shaken not stirred. Disoriented I look over at unc, who is shaking my left leg back and forth like some sort of call button. Returning to my present surroundings, I shake my head quickly and rub my face. I look at unc who is pointing his finger to my left. I look over and up to find the conductor saying " Destination?" I reply " We're going home." In a sarcastic impatient grin he answers " Yes, and as nice as that is, where pray tell young man might that be?" Getting that he has no idea where we live I say " Sorry sir, uhh Mount Kisco station." He asks "Where did you board"? I reply " You mean, where did we get on the train?" He nods and sighs loudly saying " Yes young man, I mean where did you board the train? " Sensing his impatience I smile and say " Why I apologize for stretching you to the limits of your patience for your fellow man. We, as you say boarded at GCT or probably better known to you as Grand Central Station. Technically it's a terminal, which was built in 1913 and not a station. Grand Central Station is the name of the nearby post office. It's also the largest terminal in the world." This disarming him, he replies " Wow kid not bad, not that many people know that. I'm impressed." He looks at unc and says " Is he always like this?" Unc closes his eyes and slowly shakes his head saying "You have no idea. This boys mouth and his brain aren't exactly in communication. In case you haven't noticed." Waving his hand he says " No I like him. He's got spunk. That'll be, let's see, one senior and one junior to Mt Kisco Station. For a total of $9.50. " He takes out his ticket puncher with one hand and the tickets with another. Before he can start punching I beg "Oh sir please please can you show me how you do that. It looks so cool like you're a gun slinger or something." Squatting down he explains to me the different zones, travel periods, seat sections and type of ticket. He quickly punches 4 holes. Then he flips the puncher in his hand and says" Here, see that #6?" He hands me the puncher and says" Go ahead punch it." I do and I feel awesome and hand the puncher back saying " When I grow up I want to be a conductor just like you." Both he and unc laugh and look at each other. The conductor says " I'm Mike nice to meet you..?" I quickly reach for his hand and say "Jody , my name is Jody and thank you." Standing up and snapping the tickets he puts one in the clip behind uncs' head and hands unc the other 2. Winking he say " Enjoy your ride on Metro North, Have a nice day." He moves on to the next passenger who doesn't even lift his head from his newspaper . He justs reaches in his jacket and shows him a monthly pass without looking at him or saying a word. As he moves down the asle ilook and see that people don't even see him as a person. How sad it that? I look at unc and start to say, but am cut off with a hand gesture and unc leaning forward patting my knee he says " That's why I stay around. You don't know it yet, but what's inside of you is very big and very rare. I would take care of it , if I were you. Now I've been thinking, we have to tell your mama something and it can't be a lie. So any ideas? " Shocked I say "You're asking me?" unc nods without speaking. I say " Let me think for a minute." Unc replies "A minute is about all we have this train is pulling in next stop." After running through all the options in my mind I say' Well, here's how I see it. We can't lie to mama and live with ourselves right?" He nods continuing I say " O.k. hear me out. Pretend you're mama." Unc smirks and tilts his head. I say "mama you're not going to believe what happened. We got in a gun fight. I almost got killed. We went to the hospital. Then guess what we did? We ran away and Leon was the get away man. We get there and battle gang members just like Clint Eastwood does. So what do you think?" Unc starts nodding and says "Maybe that head can be used for something other than a hat rack. What if she asks me?" Smiling do what you always do. Then in my best unc impression " Oh! Miss Ruth Don't bing me into this foolishness I ain't interested. I done had a whole week of it. Now leave me be" Now let's return to the drive home and see how it works out. Laughing mama says "Jody, you're a natural born story teller. Your grandfather would be proud. I have some intersting news of my own." Shocked that it actually work i exhale and say " Well spill woman I ain't got all day you know." Watching where she is driving she smiles that " you're using up my patience at an alarming wait" smile and says" "Be that as it may, we're leaving for Europe in 10 days. So what do you think of them apples?" I whip around and look at unc saying " Did you know anything about this?"Unc frowns and says "Boy don't drag me into the middle of your foolishness..." I interrupt saying and waving my hand " Yeah, yeah I Know leave you in peace. "Smiling he winks . I go to mama and say" Why? What about my girlfriend? What about summer camp?" We pull into the driveway and I jump out confused . I hear " Hey porter, want to give us a hand with these bag?" I do and decide that there are probably worse thing than going to Europe. The next 10 days go by so fast the next thing I know Mr. Everette is driving us to JFK international. Before we go to the airport, let me tell you a quick little story about the infamous "Everette Brothers Livery Service" It seems that 1 Everette brother saw the opportunity to jump ahead in business when his brother was changing a tire on the VanWick Expressway. He supposedly pulls over to help his brother when he accidently bumps the parked car . It just so happens Mr. Everette was under the car at the time. The car falls. I don't know the rest of the details, but the now handicapped one hates the other brother with a vengence. He swears revenge to any poor passenger who is willing to hear his tale of woe. We are just those types of passengers. Grateful to be out from the middle of the Hatfields and MCoys of limosine transport, we go to check in. This is where I actually start gettng excited about out upcoming adventure to Europe. An interesting detail most don't know about JFK is originally when it opened it called KIA(Kennedy International Airport). Those 3 letters were very popular in the news at that time, as the Vietnam war would refer to casualties of war as KIA(Killed in action). It was then changed officially to JFK. We go to the ticket counter, check our bags and head to our gate. No fuss, no muss remember this was in 1970's when air travel was at its best. We boarded what was then called a jumbo jet. It's a 747 with some extra frills like a small balcony with a spiral stair case where you can go up and sit. The in-flight movie is "Caberet". Our flying time will approximately 7 hours. This is not my first trip over seas flight. I came prepared. I have candy out the wazoo. Things like Charleston Chews, Sweet Tarts, Milk duds, Sugar Babies and a bunch of other stuff to keep me in a sugar buzz over the Atlantic. Caberet is a weird movie. I didn't understand it. I'm not a big fan of musicals. There's another movie that everyone is talking about. It's called the godfather. I hope that has a little more action. Soon we'll be landing in Paris at the Charles De Gaulle airport and going to the Paris Hilton. This had a completely different connotation than it does now. We land, pick up our bags and get a cab to check in. I'm starving, exhausted and getting crankier by the minute. Let's return to the Taxi. The car is a Peugeot which I am told is pronounced Poo-zhoe. The driver speaks English and is very friendly, he even has a beret. He asks if we would like a very inexpensive tour of Paris. I say yes, my mother says yes, but my father who speaks French says no. I'm not sure if this is the catalyst that triggers him or if this is how he drives normally. You as the reader would be well advised to fasten your seatbelt, since there are none in our taxi. There's no sense in both of us crashing.He starts ranting in French and progressively going up several decibels as the ride continues. It's at this point that I lean forward and introduce my self "Bonjour mon nom jem'appelle Jody. His foot immediately lifts from the gas as he turns around, looking at us instead of the road. O.k. so this is trading one problem for another. I try a different tack. I say " Parlez plus lentement s'il vous plait?" At this he lets go of the wheel and claps his hands. Saying "Oui,oui my little friend. I'm so accustomed to Americans not even trying to speak our marvolous language, that I don't listen anymore. I simply work on lyrics for my songs" I say " Cool you're a musician." He replies " Oui, tres cool with the women, if you know what I mean." By now he has returned his eyes to the road. He talks by looking in the rearview mirror and gesturing wildly with his hands. I would say that's a definite improvement over before. I reply " Not as well as you I'm sure, but I'm learning a few things here and there. He answers with both hands drawing a picture with his arms and hands. He must be driving this vehicle either with knees or he has another set of arms. I'm going with the knees. He smiles and says " I see mon ami you are beginning to navigate the waters of love. There is no better place to do it than here in Paris. Those places here and there you speak of I know well" I say " This is what I'm hearing. That this is the city of love." He makes a "U" turn and turns around and says something in French to my father. He answers what I believe to be yes. Then he reaches over and turns off the meter. Like I am going to do now. It's late and I will tell you the rest of the story of Jean-Paul and the out door cafe tomorrow. Thanks and goodnight Jody

The Other Side Of The Coin

This picks up with Bobby and I sleeping after staying up all night at the hospital. Unc gently shakes me awake and holds his finger to his lips for me to be quiet. I tip toe out to the living room and sit down to have a bowl of Captain Crunch cereal. If you've never eaten this cereal there are two aspects that are of interest. #1-It removes all the skin from the roof of your mouth.#2 You can't hear a damn thing when your chewing because its so loud. I see uncs' lips moving but can't make out the sound. I decide to fake it and just keep nodding. The problem with this solution is at some point you will be required to answer. That time had arrived just as I swallowed my last bite of cereal. Starting to pick up the bowl and finish the milk unc interjects "You ain't been listening to a damn thing I said have you?" gulping down the last bit of sweetened milk I put the bowl down and answer" I agree, that sounds like a great idea. So what do you want me to do?" Unc motions for me to come closer and as the sugar hits my blood, I realize unc knows I 've been stringing him along. Already trying to pull my head back, unc unleashes one of his famous skull crushing finger flicks. The interesting thing about this is you don't feel the pain right away. It comes in an delayed wave, unfurling absolute agony. " Ouch!! What did you do that for?" Reloading for another round I leap from the table with my hand to my head and say" You know, I've had just about enough of that! You better stop flogging me with those lead filled sausages you call fingers or else..." For self preservation purposes I play it off as a joke. "Or else, I won't be able to be a head model. Or else, I'll run away and join the circus. Or else..." Unc cuts me off and motions me back to the able. I cautiously return and sit down ready at a moments notice to leap away again. His face has that warm all embracing look that makes everyone feel so safe around him. I put my hands up in surrender and say " Sorry, I'm sure that can be very annoying. I don't like it when it's done to me. Tell me again I promise I'll listen this time." Leaning back I here the aluminum chair creak as unc folds his arms across his chest and says very slowly "Unhh hunnh, ummmm." Clearing his throat he says " Well if that's the way you want it , go ahead and start cleaning up in here." He gets up, picks up the phone and makes a call. He turns his back so I can't hear. Paying for my earlier stunt, I start cleaning up when unc comes over putting his arm around me saying " Enough fun and games for a while, Leon's on his way down from Newburgh, so take a shower , brush your teeth and pack up we're leaving. I start to say something , but unc cuts me " Yes, get Bobby ready too. I obviously don't see what you see in that hard headed nephew of mine." Smiling I say " I guess it just takes one hard head to understand another." Showered , packed and ready we go down stairs to wait for Leon. Whoever that is. Before the front door swings closed a brown 1972 Pontiac Grand Safari station wagon pulls up with 2 boys hanging our the window yelling "Uncle Gilbert , Cousin Bobby and who's the white kid?" It stops and a thin athletic good looking young black guy gets out and opens the back saying " Vernon, Leon come out here and help with these bags." Two boys 9 and 10 leap out and grab the bags and put them in the back. Then jump back in and shut the gate and say " All done daddy what else?" He smiles and leans his head in the window saying " Good job boys , that was great. You doing your daddy proud. "Then the most radiant woman steps out of the car and goes over to unc and says" Why Gilbert you never told us Jody was this handsome. If I'd have known.. well never mind" She squats down and hugs me then grabs my shoulders and says Woooowee you're a cutie why don't you sit up front with me, so we can get to known one another. Go on get in." O.k. I had seen beautiful women before , but nothing like Cynthia. Before I got in Leon reaches over and shakes my hand, winks and says " Don't go stealing my woman now. You hear Jody? Those boys ned their mama" Cynthia puts her hands on her hips and tilts her head looking Leon up and down saying " And what? all of a sudden your skinny ass don't. Wait till we get home Leon Vernon Jones." Putting his arm around unc they walk around to the back of the car and talk privately for a few minutes. It looks pretty serious. I bet it's about what happened to Little Carlton last night. We all got to know one another on the trip up the Hudson. River. We stop at Bear Mountain State Park for a picnic. once again there is great food and lots of it. We had fried chicken, potato salad, macaroni salad, something called 3 bean salad, peach cobbler and sweetened sun tea with fesh lemon. Everyone has fun and no one argues or fights. Even unc seems to be having a great time. He is laughing and playing with the kids. Then we go swimming in our underwear in the lake. After our clothes dry we pack up and drive to there house in Newburgh. After all that beauty , I'm not prepared to find a slum no different than Harlem. Once again I start to get scared. Sensing this Cynthia put her arms around me and said " Now child you listen here. Ain't nothing bad gonna happen to you here. So just relax and make yourself at home. " She kisses me on my cheek and I feel dizzy. The week flies by. I think I am having more fun this week than I ever had before. We didn't do anything fancy, but we did it together. The only other incident is one day when I go to the store to buy some blue soda and take a detour, exploring on the way home. There is a basketball court with a bunch of guys playing. They see me and stop. Someone yells " Yo milkman, why don't you just toss us that bag and put your shoes and money in it.?" I have no idea what posessed me , but I walk around to where you could get in and crawl through. I stand there saying " You want them so bad why don't you come take em off my feet?" I feel tough until they start coming toward me and then they stop and slowly back away. They put up their hands and say " That's cool kid, we were just joking. You can go."I stood there and stare at them then say " Bunch of pussies, you's not even worth my time." They do nothing so I turn around thinking "Cool I really am bad ass." Crawling back through the fence, I stand up and guess who's standing there shaking his head? That's right unc, and he is nott happy. He grabs me and drags me back to the house lecturing me on the dangers of the street and what?Had I lost my mind? I say " Unc there was no problem. Those kids weren't all that tough. I was testing out what I see you do. Now granted they may not have been scared of me, but at least I didn't show them I was scared. That's what you taught me right?" Unc puts his arms around me picks me up and puts me on the back of his neck piggy back style saying." Take a good look around, we're going home tomorrow." I say " Ahh unc do we have to ?" He looks up at me and says " You know how lucky you got it?" I say " Sure I do! why do you think I challenged those kids?" Now in my best Clint Eastwood immitation I say" You know punk, in all the excitement I plum forgot got how many kids there were 5 or 6. Being backed up by one of the most powerful hands known to man. Hands that would tear your head clean off. I believe I was feeling lucky. Well punk ?" Unc laughs and we say our goodbyes because Leon is leaving on a job. He drives an 18wheeler, one of the most powerful trucks known to man. That night he takes us to a drive-in showing not 1, but 2 Clint Eastwood movies. So that was my trip to the ghetto. My taste for the bad life disappears and I really feel gratitude for what I do have in my life . 2 weeks later my parents take me to Europe for the first time. I can't get into trouble over there can I? Well that's all for tonight. Thanks and goodnight. Jody