Educated Fools

When push comes to shove, how do we balance the equation? It was said to me that I was precocious. It was said that I had a learning disability. The most vivid memory I have of the educational system was when I was called down to the office to decide if I was to repeat kindergarten. I had missed at least half of kindergarten do to childhood illnesses. I had the mumps on one side then on the other. You name it I got it that first year of school. My teachers name was Miss Chamberlain. She called for outside opinions on me. It seems that my supposed speech problem was later discoverd to be my brain working faster than my mouth could keep up with. Once I learned how to say Bartholomew and thermometer I was fine. So here I was taking all these tests at 6 years old. The opinions were split and I knew why. I felt a certain amount of give and take was both fair and reasonable. So after answering a few questions of theirs I decided to ask a few of my own. I knew from a very early age that most adults ask but don't listen. This was evident by there heads always buried scribbling on their clipboards. So I decide to have a little fun. For one guy I would get everything wrong on purpose and fake a speech impediment. Then for another I would give up just about everything I knew. Nodding and consulting went on until my mother was called. They told her I should be sent to a special school for those with severe learning disabilities. She came to school and asked to sit in on a few of the interviews with psychologists and other specialists with some very silly letters after their name. Mama took one look at me and knew I was up to mischief. She talked for along time and finally they agreed to test me in front of her. I knew the jig was up. I was asked to read some "See Dick and Jane run" book. Well I read it but decided to spice up the story a little. I would add characters change dialogue. Finally my mother saw a "Treasure Island" book on the shelf. She took it down handed it to me and said "Young man would you please read a section of your choosing? Explain first a little about whats going on." She knew I loved this book, so I set the scene for those in the room who may not have read it. I said "So Jim Hawkins is a young boy who lives at his parents’ inn, the Admiral Benbow, near Bristol, England, in the eighteenth century. That's across the pond as they like to say. Anyway an old sea captain named Billy Bones dies in the inn, crokes dead caput , after being presented with a black spot, or official pirate verdict of guilt or judgment.Jim is stirred to action by the spot and its mysterious, omen of Billy’s death. Hastily, Jim and his mother unlock Billy’s sea chest, finding a logbook and map inside. Hearing steps outside, they leave with the documents before Billy’s pursuers ransack the inn." After that I read some other passages and asked if that was enough. I was asked to leave the room. I said " Mama what about Captain Flint and Long John Silver?" Mama smiles and gives me a look of that's enough for now we'll talk at home. Then I was escorted to 1rst grade by Miss Chamberlain. She asked " Jody, why did you pretend to not know how to read?" I felt a little embarassed and said" You know when we get a substitute teacher we all pretend to know less than we really do. So there's not as much work for us." She nods and says " Good luck Jody, You're a very smart little boy, maybe a little to smart for your own good." I smile and say " Did my mama tell you that? I do it cause I get bored and it keeps me interested in whats going on. I will try to do better Miss Chamberlain you're a nice lady, Pretty smart yourself."She pats me on my head, which I can't stand, and says "Thanks Jody enjoy 1rst grade." The day goes quick. I get off the bus and run up the driveway to see mama waiting hands on her hips. Not a good sign, so I try to run past her and she grabs me saying " You're a rascal and a scamp Julian Turner Shultz. You almost ended up going to another school. Teachers have a lot of power over what can happen to your future. You need to start taking school a little more serious." Waving my arms I say " Mama, I'm in 1rst grade now. That was the last time I would get to act like a kindergartener. Do you want me to waste it being nice to what's that thing you call them?" Mama is sitting on the floor next to me in the kitchen she tilts her head and puts her hand under her chin saying " Why young man I have no idea what you're talking about." Jumping up and down I say " Yes mama there's a name you call grownups who pretend to be smart when they're not. Now tell me what is it?" Standing up smirking she says " Sorry dear I don't know what you mean. Do you want a snack? " I am hungry I say "Yes mama give me a pirate snack or I'll make you walk the plank arrrg!" Scratching her head she says " A pirate snack, I don't remember any pirate snack. How about some fruit or a glass of milk?" I am jumping up and down like water on a hot skillet. I say "Mama, I know what you're doing! You're pretending to not know just to make me nutso!" She pours me a glass of milk and puts it in a normal glass. Batting her eyelashes she smiles and says "Aggravating ain't it, smarty pants?" The light finally clicking on, I get it. She is doing to me what I did to the teachers. I sigh a long exhaling breathe saying in a southern accent "Oh mama, why whatever do you mean?" Fanning my face I say " I do believe I'm a bit flushed from all this excitement." She runs and picks me up and tickles me, which I love. We laugh, have dinner and I start to get ready to go to bed. I brush my teeth and say goodnight to everyone and grab her hand saying " Come on lazy bones read me a bed time story. If you still can remember how to read that is." I run upstairs and dive under the blankets. Mama reads to me until I fall sleep. Now it's my turn . Goodnight and don't let the bedbugs bite. Thanks for remembering how to read. Jody