The adjustment from middle school to high school became such a drastic change that I wondered where I fit into all of this. I am the product of a failed educational experiment called the open classroom. I can honestly say that I am not even remotely prepared for what I am about to be thrust into. It seems that all my friends and acquaintances are being tracked into what is referred to as a non-regents program. I am in the regents program as a result of my mother intervening with the guidance counselor who thought it best I be placed in a non-college bound environment. At no time do they sit you down and say "O.k. boys and girls if you're regents you will have a chance to go to college and if your not you better have an uncle who can find you a job after high school." What they do say is "Your teacher evaluations deem it appropriate that you go non-regents so as to not track you into classes that will place an undo burden on you." Translation: Would you like fries with that order? My response to this is "Have you discussed this with my mother?" to which they reply "No that won't be necessary. Our decision is final, next." Walking out of the office I get the distinct feeling I was just placed on the short bus with a one way ticket. When I get home that afternoon I tell my mother who explodes like the steam whistle in the cartoons. After which she says " Let's go young man I will see about this right now." We drive back to school faster than is recommended by the speed limit signs. We are going to see the guidance counselor Mr. Dovi. My mother says to me "Jody stay here, stay out of trouble and wait." I nod. She asks the receptionist to see Mr. Dovi as soon as possible. To which the receptionist replies " I'm sorry Mr. Dovi doesn't see parents without an appointment. Besides he has left for the day.Perhaps you would like to call tomorrow and schedule something for next week." I hear my mother say "Who is your boss?" Receptionist replies " I'm sorry Ma'am we're not at liberty to give out that information. Now if you please we are closed for the day . Good afternoon." The receptionist quickly closes the window on my mother before she can answer. I must say I'm enjoying the prelude to what I am sure to be a memorable event for this office. She comes back to the bench and sits beside me. I know better than to say anything so I just sit there admiring the pornagraphic graffiti of my predecessors. Smiling my mother pulls out her cigarettes and lights one. As if an alarm went off the receptionist whips open her window and says in a scolding voice "ma'am this is a no-smoking area so put that out right this minute. Frankly I'm shocked you don't know better. hmmpff."She quickly slides the window shut again. My mother smiles and ignores her. 2 minutes later Mr. Dovi comes out all smiles and handshakes saying " Hi I'm Mr. Dovi Jody's' guidance counselor. Let's take a walk so I can have a smoke as well. "My mother gets up and walks outside with Mr. Dovi. She is out there an aweful long time and there is an awful lot of talking and hand gesturing going on. I get bored and find a kid to play ping pong with. The one sport I did share with my dad was ping pong. We played every night for years. My mother returns and they go to his office. She comes out of the swinging door smiling and I just know my academic life got harder. As we go back to the car and drive home and I ask " So what did you and Mr. Dovi chat about?" Knowing this is going to be a tad on the serious side I try to lighten the mood. My mother however doesn't even answer me. I try again asking " Mama want to go to "Friendlys' for dinner?" To which she responds by swerving the 1968 Mustang on to the shoulder and skidding to a stop in a cloud of dust. She looks at me and say "Jody,I need you to really pay attention. Remember in kindergarden you pretended to be somewhat less educated than you actually were?" I nod She continues "Well it seems thst situation has arisen again. He showed me your test scores on the developmental exams and it places you in the.. How can I put this delicately and in terms you can understand? Oh I know The shitter young man. That's where your test scores place you. Tomorrow you will take them again and not just color in the pretty little circles. Do we understand one another? " I nod saying "Mama, those tests, I didn't know they were important. If I did I would have made an effort. When you take them they tell you it won't affect your grade in any way. Do you realize just what an open classroom is?" Calming down she asks " No, what is it?" I say " Well pretty much one of the kids' older brothers do all the work and they pass it around for us to copy it. No lecture, no homework, no real learning. I know it's wrong and I know it's irresponsible, but it does allow me to make some friends at least, like John" Exhaling loudly she rolls down the window and lights a Marlboro Red and blows a stream smoke out the window. " O.k. Jody here's the deal tomorrow there's gong to be a battery of test from the various teachers in high school. You will write, answer verbal questions and retake those exams. Then an outside party will evaluate them and we'll see what's what." I look at my mother and say " The kids in the smart classes are real... How shall I put this in terms that you can understand?" Pursing my lips, and placing my index finger on my temple I feign deep thought and say "Complete and utter pompous sphincteroids, who are clearly deep in the throws of a homosexual panic.I might also add I suspect them of being schizophrenic social misfits who lack the basic decency to leave the rest of us free spirits alone.Yes I do believe that's the correct phrasing." My mother struggling hard to hide a smirk says " Yes dear, be that as it may, you will do as I ask or we will enroll you in a private school." Oh shit I didn't see that coming. No way. I'd have to wear a blazer and be with kids named Blaine and Thurston Howell the 5th. I say "O.k. If I do well enough on those tests to get into the regents program you'll get off my back?" She reaches out her hand and says "Deal" I slap it away and raise my pinky an say " For this it's going to require a pinky promise my matriarchal nemesis." We lock pinkies and then we go to "Friendly's". The next day I go to the main office at the high school and sit in an empty room where I write as essay on why it is I want to be in regents classes. Then they administer me a math test. I always found it funny when they say administer this or that. It sounds so medical. I talk with several new high school teachers about the possible academic load I would be accepting. I say " O.k. middle school says I'm not college material and my mother has you all jumping through hoops to prove I am. What do say to letting me try these classes on a trial basis and meet again in let's say 2 weeks." I leave to go to my first regents class. This was a tumultuous time for this school. It had just started busng blacks in from other areas. There was opposition to this and eventual riots ensued closing the school for a week. Check link to learn more:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desegregation_busing
To be sure the first few weeks of school were interesting. I am going to jump a few months ahead. I was taking regents classes and doing just fine. I had a girlfriend who was a senior when I was a freshman. A direct result of my reputation from the bowling alley. We were in the basement one day doing what teenagers have been known to do in dark place without supervision. The lights flashed on and who should emerge but the athletic director. He was scary and angry. He knew Patty and said "You get to your class. I'm putting this on your permanent record, and calling your parents. Now go!" I started to follow and he grabbed me and said " Just where do you think you're going my little Lothario?"http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lothario Ducking my head down so he can't see me I say in a deepened voice " To my class sir " I try to leave, but am dragged back and held in a vice grip staring into the eyes of someone who could be Pat Reillys' twin, sharp duds and all. He says in calm , but authoritative voice "I don't know you. You must be a freshman. What's your name son?" For some reason I didn't even think to crack wise. I say "Jody Shultz sir" He says " Not a good place to start your high school record. You're getting suspended and then we'll see if it's permanent or not." Oh shit I'm screwed My mother is going to kill me. I try the only approach I know that works in situations like this. Telling the truth. I mean it always sets such a bad precedent with people. You do it once and then they start expecting you to do it all the time. I hate to do it, but here goes. "What's your name?" he says " I am the athletic director Mr. Mergardt. We need to call your parents and have them pick you up." I plead " Mr. Mergardt is there any other way we can handle this? I know I was taking a big risk. I just wanted to act cool in front of her. I think she likes another guy anyway. An older guy who works at Caldors." He raises his hand and says " Your choice 3 weeks everyday after school in the gymnastics room or we go call right now." I smile " You got it Mr. Mergardt starting today. Where do I go?" He asks " Do you know where the middle school gym is?" I say " Yes" He replies " You show up, I don't call. Got it?" I nod saying " Got it." Wow , that wasn't that bad, maybe I will even like it. I go up stairs and go to my first class. At lunch I had gotten into the habit of going to the gym and watching the black kids play basketball. They were amazing. I hung out with a kid named John Semenetz. We became friends the year before when he put a hand full of tacks on my seat in home room. I sat down and jump up screaming. Rubbing my ass John leans over to the kids next to him and whispers something. He looks at me and says "Oh look, little limbo lips is going to cry." Everybody laughs. I shake my head and say " Mighty big talk coming from a "Semi-nut" Now they're laughing at him. He charges me and we fight. The teacher walks in , we go to the principle. While waiting for the principle there is a very conservative couple next to us whispering. John starts imitating this commercial about pollution. It goes " Another and another and another enough to make a healthy man choke."It shows car after car and how it can eventually suffocate one. John changes the words a bit and goes " Another and another and another enough to make a healthy c__t(bad word) choke . V.D. boner." I see they are trying to ignore him until he keeps repeating it louder and louder until finally the husband snaps . He jumps up and runs over to John and starts beating the ever loving piss out of him. Saying " You little bastard I'll kill you ..." I am apoplectic in laughter as he continues to pummel John . The wife tries to pull him off . The secretary tries. Finally Mrs. Kennedy the principle come out with a bucket of water and throws it on both of them. In shock the man returns to his senses and looks at Mrs. Kennedy. She says " Excuse me sir, but if you'd just be a little patient I would have gotten to that my self. We are civilized here and follow in an orderly fashion. But now poor Jody will miss out on his time with me and I have to deal with you. Go on get inside. John you too. She looks at me and says " It's your lucky day get out of here." I do and am still cracking up on the way back to class. Anyway at lunch we fight again and end up in the principles office again. Now we share detention for a week and finally become inseparable friends until the end of high school. Let's return to high school where I start to get on the bus to go home and suddenly remember my promise to Mr. Mergardt. I jump off the bus and go to the middle school gym. I see a bunch of really tough cool looking guys sitting and stretching. There is Led Zeplin blasting on a stereo . I tip toe over to the wall and slide down to do my time. Mr. Mergardt comes in and turns down the stereo . He goes over what he wants each kid to work on. They break up and go to different events working on gymnastic skills. I watch and see that these guys are serious. Mr. Mergardt is spotting kids and giving them technical advice. 3 hours pass by and they get together for strength training with Mr. Mergardt who kicks up to a handstand and starts doing push ups. Other guys are doing standing back flips in a row for leg strength. I am really impressed. I get the same feeling that I got when I first went to the bowling alley. Mr. Mergardt comes over and says "Not your average everyday bunch of jocks are they?" My mouth is open and I say " O.k. I'm sold what do I have to do to join these guys?" He smiles and says " I don't think that's such a good idea, these guys how shall I put have impulse control issues and are real hard cases. Just come do your time and I'll cut you a break by not reporting you. So tomorrow same time." I go down to the bus stop and wait. These guys come down in all different outfits and wait for the 6pm sports bus. I keep to myself and go home. I get home and my mother says "Where have you been all day?" I reply " I was invited to watch a gymnastics practice to see if I am interested in joining." She nods and says o.k. just call next time so we don't have to wonder where you are." I say " Sure mama I will. I'm going to go all week so you know." Absent mindedly she says " O.k. Jody" This is probably the beginning of one of the greatest changes in my life. Part 2 tomorrow. Thanks Jody
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