This picks up as I walk out of Mrs. Zaccardi's bathroom. Exhaling and centering myself so I can speak from my soul, I sit and ask "O.k. I listened to you will you listen to me?" She tilts her head ever so slightly, folds her hands resting them on her lap, and slowly blinks her eyes with the tiniest of nods to acknowledge she will. I begin by saying "I'm obviously a new satellite in Loredana's orbit, but the gravitational attraction is there never the less. For me to spin off suddenly and exit her life so cowardly now that the going has gotten tough, doesn't sit right with me. I've been raised to follow my truth where ever that leads and act according to my conscience. If this means not complying with your wishes , than so be it. I apologize if that seems impudent or disrespectful. It's certainly not my wish to get off on the wrong foot with you, but you're obviously not someone who can be bull shitted." She smiles and pats my knee firmly saying " You aren't by any chance a Star Trek fan are you?" I lift and spread my middle and ring finger into the Vulcan greeting gesture and say " Live long and prosper. Ahead warp factor 2 Mr. Sulu." She gets up and turns on he T.V. to channel 11WPIX. She says "It's coming on in a few minutes we can watch it together if you like." I say "Affirmative, that would be most logical." She gets up and goes into the kitchen and brings back a plate of home mde oatmeal raisen cookies and a pitcher of iced tea. She says "Help your self, this is usually a double feature. We can talk after start trek." We watch Star Trek. It's the episode where the crew on a mission to evacuate the population of the lone planet Sarpedon before its sun Beta Niobe novas, Spock, Kirk and McCoy beam down to investigate why sensors indicate no humanoid life remaining on the planet. They discover a "library" staffed by Mr. Atoz ("A to Z") As usual Kirk saves the day at the very last second and witty dry inside trek jokes are shared among the crew in the final moments. She turns to me smiling and says "Jody where would you go if could go anywhere in anytime?" I answer "Hmmm well it would be tough to choose between the Renaissance, the dawn of man kind or maybe somewhere in the future. What about you ?" "Angela" I say "Angela?" "Yeah, that's my name. If we're close enough to watch star trek together, then I'm willing to risk being on a first name basis with you, Jody." I ask " Well where would you go?" Angela covers her mouth with her hand while resting her head on an extended index finger by her temple. She then says " The Renaissance sounds good. I'm also interested in the times of the ancient Greeks. After that probably the dark ages with knights of the round table." The Oscar Meyer Bologna song makes It's debut. We watch one more star trek This is the one with Abraham Lincoln. After she switches the T.V. off and says "It's your funeral pal. I really like you. If you want to jump into this hell with us be my guest. At least I can watch star trek with you." I go and give her a hug and say "At the very least Angela, at the very least." I leave and am touched about what just happened We keep in touch over the next weeks and find out Lori is tried as a juvenile and is sentenced to one year at Burnt Hills home for juvenile girls. Lori is immediately shipped there and I don't see her. What does happen is we write each other everyday. Thanks to my dad I even put a little secret message into every letter. My dad would write to friends in Europe before W.W.II and put his real thoughts secretly under the postage stamp. The weekend I get my mustang I tell my mother and unc not to expect me until late. I call Angela to see if she wants to take a little road trip. Her answer and following adventure go like this: Angela says "Hell yeah, I'll pack us some snacks and will pay for gas." I pick her up and we're off to see Lori in prison. It's a 3 hour drive North up through Albany and Schenectady. Burnt Hills is a small rural upstate N.Y. town . What separates it from it's cousins is the largest female juvenile detention facility in the eastern U.S.. We arrive and are searched photographed and finger printed. Angela assures me this is all routine. We wait in a large room with benches until buzzers ring and metal doors unlock and slide open to have Lori escorted out. She's wearing what looks like red doctors scrubs. She sees me and her Mom and shows no emotion. Her mother whispers "Give us a few minutes I'll come get you. Theres a waiting area down the hall." I sit in the waiting room and see a parade a broken hearted mothers crying and praying for their girls. I'm starting to get a little sad and scared. The girls here look like serious bad asses. Angela waves to me and I follow. She escorts me to a small private room with metal tables and chairs bolted to the floor. There's a guard in the room and Angela puts her hand on my chest and says "Remember what we talked about and be strong for her." I go sit across from Lori and am instructed that no touching or foul language is permitted. I sit there and wait for Lori to say something . A minute goes by and she justs looks at the floor. Finally I say in a James Cagney voice "Yo Bonnie, I told you we shouldn't a oughta pulled dat last heist. The old gang send der best sweet heart." Lori doesn't smile she just keeps staring at the floor. Finally she looks up with hate in her eyes ready to spit venom. Before she can I say " I didn't come up here to get shit.." The guard interrupts saying " Next foul word and you're out of here kid, understand?" I nod and say " Yes" Lori smiles and says " So how was the ride up sweet heart?" I say " I got a sweet ride. If you ever get out of here let me know so I can put a Chapman lock on it." Finally a tiny smile as she looks over to see if the guard is looking and mouths "F---Y--" I say "After our first 2 kisses I'm interested." Lori asks "How did you finish the year in gymnastics?" I answer "Just as you predicted honey I'm a big fat Loser." She winks and says "Well that just goes with out saying doesn't it" She folds her arms and says " Quid pro quo time bucko You do know what that means don't you." I answer " Of course it has something to do with your DSM evaluation doesn't it?" Pursing her lips in a faux kiss she says " Yeah it's right next to yours about attatchment disorders and wetting the bed." I say "So enough foreplay let's get to it. Is it worth it for me to keep trying to get through that impenetrable wall of yours?" Lori looks at me and says "I want to say yes, but the truth is I'm a real live loser and will just drag you down with me. I like writing to you . Let's just keep it at that. Your free to see other woman until I get out." I laugh "Well isn't that delightful, paradoxical and contradictive. While simultaneously having overtones of being both a megalomaniac and misanthrope." Searching my eyes she says "Yes, thanks so much for that insight Narcissus. Boning up for the S.A.T.'s I see. Weird we really don't bring out the worst in one another do we?" I wink and say "The jury's still out on that one." Now she really laughs and starts to cry as do I. We sit silent for several minutes. Lori suddenly calls out "Guard I'm ready to go back." I go "Pssst! Check out the steganography I sent you, and here I thought you were clever. Tsk tsk." Lori holds her and up saying " I'm sorry 2 minutes please matron." The guard nods and returns to her chair on the other side of the room. " O.k. you got my attention. I read everything you sent me. What the hell is steganography?" I grin and say " Let's just say I left you a message where only you would be able to find it." Lori smiles and says "Cool, maybe you're not such a loser." I say "And maybe you're not such a lump." Lori leaves and Angela and I drive 3 hours home.on the way home I ask " Angela you guys are a lot alike. Sort of like chestnuts, hard on the outside and soft on the inside. I don't know if it will help or not , but my mother said the only way she could possibly love me is to come to terms with the fact that I might die any day. And by letting go it frees her to love me just for today. That might work with Lori." Angela's voice cracks and says " She is just so full of anger about her father that she forces herself to hate me." I answer "She's a smart girl and she knows you love her. Actions speak louder than words." Angela says " Maybe I'll write her., that's both at once " I drop Angela off and she says " Don't be a stranger the key is in under the 3rd hanging potted plant in case I'm not home. Thanks." She turns slams the car door shut and goes home. I get home at 11pm to find my mother waiting. I talk to her about the years when she wrote to dad and what it was like. She says "In young love there is a tension that is maintained by the chasing and running of both parties. That's all I'm going to say." Goodnight. Jody
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