After talking with my father he says that I was in Paris in 1970. Once again the time-line isn't exact. It's a series of topogaphical landmarks that give depth and perception to the landscape of my life. So today we will bounce around a bit in order to find our thread. Returning to the U.S. was fairly routine , with the possible exception of a glitch at customs. I had gathered a few items that might have been in question had they been found. While I was in Amsterdam I did a bit of wandering and ended up at a bowling alley of all places. I bowled a couple of games and made acquaintances with a few of the young bowlers. Sharing stories of our different customs and perspectives I quickly found myself being late to meet my parents at one of the museums. 2 names that stick out are a boy named Marnix and his brother Lauritz. We played pinball, bowled and laughed a lot. Upon leaving they gave me a little baggie and said "Enjoy it as a gift from Amsterdam." I put it away and didn't really think about it until we were in line for customs. We were at JFK and my dad was talking to the agent when my mind flashed to the switch blades and pot in my bag. He asked which countries we had visited and did we have anything to declare. I have nothing to explain my following actions other than sheer and unadulterated fear and panic. This 2 ingredients are not ideal when wanting to portray a nonchalant appearance. The essence of it went like this to the best of my recollection. The custom agent says " Good evening sir, how was your trip? My dad answers " Fine thanks." Which countries did you visit and do you have anything to declare?" It's just about now that I begin having what I learn later to be a panic attack. The room is closing in and my heart is beating faster than a hungry cheetah after an antelope. My dad hands him the form and says "No" I interject "Dad what about all the watches and jewelry we bought in Rome? Doesn't that count?" My dad whips a look at me says "Jody, please be quiet and let me handle this." The customs agent rapidly gaining interest looks to my mother and " Ma'am is this your family?" nodding my mother responds " Why yes sir. That's my husband and our ever helpful son Jody." The agent asks "May I have permission to ask him a few questions ?" My father barks out "For crying out loud! What does he have to do with this?" The agent beginning his interrogation says " Sir calm down. Now Jody is it?" I say "That's right" Agent continues "Jody. do either of your parents have weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in their possesion?" I put my finger to my upper lip as if thinking about the question. Then I say " What does contra -what ever you said mean?" The agents says " Contraband are things that we don't allow in the country like plants animals different types of food." I answer "No we definitely don't have any contraband. As for weapons or drugs, I 'm fairly sure that they would have used them on me by now if they had them. Don't you think? I mean ask them. I can be one colossal pain in the ass. They did however buy a few fancy watches and didn't even give me one. And some fancy glass chandsomething from Venice. That stinky place with all the water. Anyway it's fragile. I pretty sure they didn't do the clare thing on those. " The agent says "Excuse me what do you mean by the clare thing. I answer " You know that thing you been asking everyone." I do an impression of him saying "Excuse me sir do you have anything to clare?'" The agent says " Oh you mean declare, that means tell us." I nod and say " Well? I just told you everything." The agent say "Yes you did young man go on through I need to talk to your parents for a bit ," Waving I say " Bye Ma, dad I 'll wait right over there." They look through my dads' suit cases and my moms' talk a bit more and then zip everything back up and go through. My dad sys" Thanks for all the help Mr. With friends like you who need..." My mother interrupts saying sharply "Julius! , that's enough. If you were honest none of this would have happened in the first place." My dad says " Ruth do you mind?" Walking through the automatic doors we see Mr Everette leaning on his cane holding a sign saying "Schultz". He has a porter with him to take the luggage to the limo. My dad goes with him and my mother puts her arm around me and says " O.k. buster That stunt just cost you a week of t.v. and you better give me whatever it is you just smuggled in." I start to protest but my mothers eyes bore right through me and I just say " Yea , I know I didn't even think about it until we were already up there. I'm sorry." My mother smiles and says "I think you better go and try to mend fences with your father right this minute." I run up and say " Hey Mr. Everette no "C" in Shultz buddy. By the way did you kill your brother while we were gone?" My dad busts out laughing and then says " I'm sorry about my son, I don't know what gets into him sometimes." Mr. Everette looks at me and says " Funny you should mention that Master Jody, I did worse than kill him. I took all his money and fired him. Now it's just Everette Limo" I stand wide eyed and say "But he's alive isn't he?" Mr Everette laughs and says " Oh physically he's alive , but financially, let's just say he's a bit crippled. Oh you should have seen the trial. It lasted all summer... " He continues to go on and on about the trial. I lean over to my father and say "Dad, I know that was stupid and could have caused you a lot of problems. I'm sorry and it won't happen again." My dad says " Jody I wasn't breaking the law, what we bought was under the allowed limit anyway. That's why I didn't declare it. Just use a little common sense next time." I say " I'll try dad I'll try." We get home and unc comes out to help with the luggage. I go to grab mine and I hear "Freeze young man! Don't even think it. I'll take that bag if you don't mind?" Unc looks at me shakes his head " Boy, you just ain't satisfied till you get someone riled." Before I can move a flying sausage is catapulted at my head. Feeling the familiar thlunk and ringing sound I don't even grab it. I say "I'm glad to see you too unc. I missed you something awful." I hug him and help with every bag except mine. I'm in bed now after saying goodnight to everyone. My mother is reading to me. The world is right and I fall into the gratitude of coming home again. Thanks and goodnight Jody
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